Decisions by Judie

As we both laughed uncontrollably at a joke Zee had just told, I looked up at him with my head rested on his thigh and felt a tug in my heart, one month ago if you had asked me who I would wanna marry I would have said Zee without hesitating.

I loved Zee, that was without doubt, after years of searching, I thought I had finally met the one but fast forward three years later while having dinner I asked Zee if he could marry me.

“Marry you? Babes, are you proposing to me?”

“No I’m not, I’m asking you if you can marry me, if you make up your mind to get married tomorrow, will?!”

“Look , this is rather sudden, can you give me a week to think about it?”

“A week? You wanna decide in a week what you haven’t decided in three years? That’s fucked up Zee!!!! That’s truly fucked up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

I tried to steady my shaking hand as I grabbed my fork, I didn’t want to lose my cool in front of him or come across as desperate but surely after three bloody years I had every right to ask didn’t i? my thoughts were in a turmoil.

We ignored each other for the rest of the dinner and on the way home, we silently did our nightly rituals and got in bed and thus it began. I travelled back home and faced work squarely, I rarely called and texted like I used to, I missed Zee terribly but something in me had died that night and I knew he wasn’t what or who I had thought he was. Our relationship took a nose dive and I wasn’t perturbed, I slowly stopped giving a damn and didn’t care anymore. Most nights I cried myself to sleep remembering the beautiful memories we had made together and what we would have had, three weeks had gone by without a word to either of us from either of us.

This sunny afternoon I was having lunch with my girls when I saw him, my heart didn’t skip and I didn’t have butterflies, I just glanced at him with a passing interest especially at his pink lips. He walked up to our table and asked if he could join us which got my friends into a tizzy, fluttering and clucking like newly beheaded chickens and I could swear they were wondering who he fancied.

Chima is a renaissance man, he knows something about everything and everything about something, we all talked and laughed like old friends and he collected everyone’s card. I got back to work and couldn’t stop thinking about him, I realized I was going crazy when I found myself kneeling in the office kitchen praying I was the one he would call. My phone buzzed repeatedly and it was my girls texting to say Chima had sent them messages, I quickly checked my phone and there was no message, disappointment pierced me like a knife and I was surprised at how much I had wanted him to pick me, I had never cheated on Zee and I felt a little but guilty but it felt like he was no longer in the picture.

Three days later someone called and invited me to dinner and it was Chima, the connection we felt was soo sudden but yet soo strong, I felt like I had fallen in love with him but it was just too soon to be in love, no? We talked, we laughed, argued like old lover. We started seeing each other every night after that but we never got intimate, just the regular hand holding, little kisses here and there and it felt like all was right with the world but no my bubble wasn’t to last long.

Zee mysteriously landed at my apartment just 3 minutes after I had kissed Chima goodnight at the door, he barged in and carried me in his arms, we kissed passionately and ended up on the couch, we talked about everything except the reason we hadn’t talked to each other in over a month.

As we both laughed uncontrollably at a joke Zee had just told, I looked up at him with my head rested on his thigh and felt a tug in my heart, one month ago if you had asked me who I would wanna marry I would have said Zee without hesitating and looking up at him from my vantage position I knew he was going to propose and I didn’t know what my answer would be.

Zee got up and walked into the bedroom, a few minutes later he hollered for me to come join him, I walked with trepidation towards the bedroom, I could already see flower petals scattered all over and Zee on one knee, just as I was about to step over the threshold into the bedroom, my cell –phone started bleating from the living room, it was the beginnings of Lionel Richie’s “Hello” and it was Chima’s ringtone.

I stood trans-fixed, knowing that though neither knew about the other, it was a life defining moment for me. Who would it be Chima or Zee?