Month: March 2013

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The Church: Back To The Matter

My friend invited me to his church’s Carol of 9 lessons last Christmas. Although the 9readings bore me, I enjoyed all the Christmas melodies the choir sang.

One thing piqued my interest during the service, one of the readers, the 8th in particular -a rich woman, after reading the verses from her Bible on a lectern, announced to the congregation.

“From my own purse, I donate the sum of N100,000 to the choir” She said.

And there was delirium in the church. I was perplexed and immediately asked my friend, “why are people rejoicing?”

This isn’t a new scene in church nowadays. The church has lost her way, people go to churches these days to show off their affluence and opulence. What happened to giving in secret? It is written in the Bible, if you give to God for people to praise you, don’t expect any gift from God because you have been praised and exalted on earth.

The fact that pastors and Bishops allow this act to go on in the church baffles me. I mean, they have great knowledge of the WORD and know it is wrong in all ramifications.

The church is the only place where the poor and the rich are supposed to be equal even if it is for 30minutes but the case is different nowadays, pastors recognise the presence of “top shots” during mass. What is that?????

Pastors are supposed to be the voice of people and the bridge between the Government and the people but now they lick the asses of those in power in order to get a substantial donation from them. They can’t even stand on the pulpit and tell them their sins to their faces anymore rather when they climb up there, they lie and brain-wash their congregation with “prosperity messages”.

Some pastors own private jets, off from the donations and offerings of their poor congregation and they claim the jets are for evangelical work. I pray oh!!!!

In the past, the church clothed, fed and trained children from poor backgrounds in schools. Today, there are so many religious affiliated secondary and tertiary schools which the poor ones/members can’t even afford to send their kids to.

The church has become a money-making venture. We have more motivational speakers than pastors these days. All you need to be is a good orator(good command of the lingua franca/good with words) and have an in-depth knowledge of the Bible and you are ready to start off your own ministry.

The other day, I met a man of God and he said to me..”God told me to tell you, you are destined for greatness but people are after you. I’m going to pray for you and after that, ‘anything’ you feel is good, you donate to my ministry.” Emphasis on anything. A lot of pastors go around scamming people all in the name of God.

Our insatiable thirst for miracles has made us easy preys for these ‘predators’. Some christians go from church to church in search of miracles, signs and wonders.

During sermon, some pastors will tell you how they prayed for one sister/brother and his/her life turned around for good and I often ask, isn’t that blowing your own horn? Is it necessary?

As we celebrate this easter period, let’s have a sober reflection of what Jesus Christ did for us on the cross of Calvary, how he suffered death and was buried so that we may have life.

Christ is the reason for the season,let us celebrate his death and resurrection and most importantly, live a Christ-like life.

May God help us all. Amen.

Happy Easter good people of God

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Sex And Hickeys

I got a very funny phone call this week. My friend, Xavier rang me, sounding very worried over the phone so I was scared & at the edge of my seat, thinking something of great importance was amiss.

He told me he’s noticed a black patch always appears on his neck after a long kissing session with the girlfriend and he’s very worried it could be a symptom of a sexually transmitted disease. LOL

This “black patch” is known as a hickey or love bite. A love bite is temporal red mark on the skin caused by excessive kissing or sucking–with enough force to break open some blood vessels around the surface or beneath the skin. It can appear as a bruise or mark.

It appears during/after foreplay hence the name, passion mark, love-mark or love patch. It can be afflicted on any part of the skin but the commonest areas are the neck and arm.

Its effect is just superficial and is never dangerous. The biting is believed to be the cause of the hickey while sucking is sufficient to burst superficial small blood vessels under the skin.

Some hickeys disappear after just a day while others take up to a maximum of 5 days to vanish completely. However, you can work on speeding up its disappearance by applying ice on the hickey to reduce the swelling, rubbing them with a chilled spoon to break up blood clots, and applying a warm compress to older hickeys to dilate vessels and promote blood flow.

Alternatively, you can cover an exposed hickey by wearing a turtle neck top, long-sleeve or sweater, or even a scarf to avoid others from seeing your love bite. For the ladies, make up will do the magic, they can be covered with foundation, powder and fake tan.

As for guys, well you can buy a gauze bandage and plaster, cover your hickey, and think of a really good story about your bogus injury.

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Nigeria: Where Do We Go From Here?

Have you ever wondered why Nigeria is still a developing country despite the natural resources she has in abundance?

Nigeria has refused to grow into one of the leading economies despite the wealth of human and natural resources we possess.
The reasons are so clear that everyone including a blind man can see why.

Corruption and greed can be attributed to the reasons why we are worse than when our colonial masters, The British, left us in 1960.

I was livid the day I realised some metals used to make smart phones and other electronic gadgets are sourced from Nigeria yet we are the highest buyers/users of the mobile phones.

A few years ago, rumours spread round the country about the high demand for mercury found in old clocks. A lot of people went helter skelter in search of this mercury, to sell it off in exchange for a huge sum of money.

The developed countries exploit Nigeria to a fault, they come into our homes, collect these raw materials and assemble these mobile phones and sell them back to us at an exorbitant price.

Corruption has been the bane of our development since time immemorial. Most of the looted money is used in growing economy of developed countries like UK, while the looted mineral resources like oil aid in keeping industries of the West running, providing its citizenry with wealth while we, the owners suffer in poverty.

Corruption has been mapped into our genes, nothing is free any more in Nigeria. In some Nigerian Universities, you must bribe the people at the Exams & Records Department before they compile your results and submit your name to NYSC for the compulsory one year programme.

There is so much corruption in Nigeria that if we were to create a hall of fame for corrupt people, we would run out of where to put new names. There’s always a price, if you tell people you are doing something for free, they look at you as if you are odd and stupid.

We celebrate corruption and we have accepted it, that’s why a Governor can publicly announce he used state funds to buy a wedding gift for a celebrity couple and convey some guests to the wedding in Dubai. Money that is meant to be used to better the lives of the indigenes of the state. The senate president also gave the same couple a ferrari car worth N47million as wedding gift after rejecting a bill for unemployed graduates to be paid N20,000 monthly. You can’t try such in a developed nation like the United States and United Kingdom.

Corruption sometimes can be as a result of jealousy, people could hate and plot against you because you didn’t tip them off/settle them with the money meant for a particular project.

92% of affluent Nigerian citizens made their wealth via affiliation with the government via oil and other businesses. Nigeria is the only country where a poor man can become rich in a twinkle of an eye just by linking up with those in power.

The average Nigerian is negative and proud. A Nigerian who has just N2m in his account will brag and look down on those with N1.9m, that’s just 100k difference but it is enough for him to boast with and marginalise those below him.

I’ve lost hope in Nigerians living abroad because most of them come back with the same mentality, no difference.

Nigerians are filled with the spirit of pomposity and pride, we just can’t help it. It is evident in a country where everything including original club jersey, satellite TV (DSTV), internet, laptop, phone or automobile is still a luxury.
In churches, pastors announce rich men and appreciate their presence. For what if I may ask?
The church is supposed to be the only place where the rich and poor are equal even if it is for 30minutes. Some men and women have specific seats in churches that you dare not sit on those seats.

I could go on and on but my fingers hurt due to overuse.

What can we do to take Nigeria higher and make our economy one of the best in the world? Is it feasible or a lost cause?