The Church: Back To The Matter

My friend invited me to his church’s Carol of 9 lessons last Christmas. Although the 9readings bore me, I enjoyed all the Christmas melodies the choir sang.

One thing piqued my interest during the service, one of the readers, the 8th in particular -a rich woman, after reading the verses from her Bible on a lectern, announced to the congregation.

“From my own purse, I donate the sum of N100,000 to the choir” She said.

And there was delirium in the church. I was perplexed and immediately asked my friend, “why are people rejoicing?”

This isn’t a new scene in church nowadays. The church has lost her way, people go to churches these days to show off their affluence and opulence. What happened to giving in secret? It is written in the Bible, if you give to God for people to praise you, don’t expect any gift from God because you have been praised and exalted on earth.

The fact that pastors and Bishops allow this act to go on in the church baffles me. I mean, they have great knowledge of the WORD and know it is wrong in all ramifications.

The church is the only place where the poor and the rich are supposed to be equal even if it is for 30minutes but the case is different nowadays, pastors recognise the presence of “top shots” during mass. What is that?????

Pastors are supposed to be the voice of people and the bridge between the Government and the people but now they lick the asses of those in power in order to get a substantial donation from them. They can’t even stand on the pulpit and tell them their sins to their faces anymore rather when they climb up there, they lie and brain-wash their congregation with “prosperity messages”.

Some pastors own private jets, off from the donations and offerings of their poor congregation and they claim the jets are for evangelical work. I pray oh!!!!

In the past, the church clothed, fed and trained children from poor backgrounds in schools. Today, there are so many religious affiliated secondary and tertiary schools which the poor ones/members can’t even afford to send their kids to.

The church has become a money-making venture. We have more motivational speakers than pastors these days. All you need to be is a good orator(good command of the lingua franca/good with words) and have an in-depth knowledge of the Bible and you are ready to start off your own ministry.

The other day, I met a man of God and he said to me..”God told me to tell you, you are destined for greatness but people are after you. I’m going to pray for you and after that, ‘anything’ you feel is good, you donate to my ministry.” Emphasis on anything. A lot of pastors go around scamming people all in the name of God.

Our insatiable thirst for miracles has made us easy preys for these ‘predators’. Some christians go from church to church in search of miracles, signs and wonders.

During sermon, some pastors will tell you how they prayed for one sister/brother and his/her life turned around for good and I often ask, isn’t that blowing your own horn? Is it necessary?

As we celebrate this easter period, let’s have a sober reflection of what Jesus Christ did for us on the cross of Calvary, how he suffered death and was buried so that we may have life.

Christ is the reason for the season,let us celebrate his death and resurrection and most importantly, live a Christ-like life.

May God help us all. Amen.

Happy Easter good people of God

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Sex And Hickeys

I got a very funny phone call this week. My friend, Xavier rang me, sounding very worried over the phone so I was scared & at the edge of my seat, thinking something of great importance was amiss.

He told me he’s noticed a black patch always appears on his neck after a long kissing session with the girlfriend and he’s very worried it could be a symptom of a sexually transmitted disease. LOL

This “black patch” is known as a hickey or love bite. A love bite is temporal red mark on the skin caused by excessive kissing or sucking–with enough force to break open some blood vessels around the surface or beneath the skin. It can appear as a bruise or mark.

It appears during/after foreplay hence the name, passion mark, love-mark or love patch. It can be afflicted on any part of the skin but the commonest areas are the neck and arm.

Its effect is just superficial and is never dangerous. The biting is believed to be the cause of the hickey while sucking is sufficient to burst superficial small blood vessels under the skin.

Some hickeys disappear after just a day while others take up to a maximum of 5 days to vanish completely. However, you can work on speeding up its disappearance by applying ice on the hickey to reduce the swelling, rubbing them with a chilled spoon to break up blood clots, and applying a warm compress to older hickeys to dilate vessels and promote blood flow.

Alternatively, you can cover an exposed hickey by wearing a turtle neck top, long-sleeve or sweater, or even a scarf to avoid others from seeing your love bite. For the ladies, make up will do the magic, they can be covered with foundation, powder and fake tan.

As for guys, well you can buy a gauze bandage and plaster, cover your hickey, and think of a really good story about your bogus injury.