The Ex Effect: Sex With My Ex

A fortnight ago, I ran into my Ex, Chinelo and her bestie, Nkeoma at the movies. I had gone to watch Total Recall, the new blockbuster starring the multi-talented Colin Farrell but I was told it was yet to hit the cinema so I had to settle for ‘Think like a Man’ for the umpteenth time, I never get tired of seeing that movie though.

Chinelo and I broke up almost two years ago because the fights were getting worse. When a woman is fed up in a relationship, you’d know. She starts bringing up old dirt and gets agitated at the slightest provocation so I used my sagacity and annulled the relationship amicably for both parties to be happy. Although we became friends, we hadn’t seen or talked to each other for 18months.

She looked like a bag of money: sassy, beautiful and enchanting. Chinelo has always been a nymphet; she is worth more than a second look. At a glance, I was bewildered by her pliant lips and curvaceous body. It brought to mind all the good times we had – the mind blowing sex, the incredible adventures and the crazy games we played.

We watched the movie together – though we talked throughout the length of the movie. At the end of the day, we exchanged numbers, twitter handles, BB pins and other relevant information and set up a date in the near future – that’s where all the temptation started!

We hooked up again last Friday, had a drink or two and went back to my place for some sexual eruptions. We couldn’t resist each other; to make it worse, the sex was better than before; it was as if we were never apart. After the first round, my iTunes randomly selected Lil Bit’s joint with Yung Joc and Jim Jones “Sex with my Ex” from my music library. A line in the song goes this way “…can’t believe I’m having sex with my ex” and post coital tristesse set in, we vowed never to do such again but after some minutes, we were at it again.

We wanted each other so bad but there was an obstacle – we had new relationships so in order to save our present relationships, we had to stay away from each other.

Often times, I hear people blabbering about their Ex and it makes me laugh all time. It’s a very common scene on twitter, people diss their Ex every 10minutes on that social network. Some of these people may have gone back to their Ex for sex, care or help at least once in the past but here they are, raking over coals and cursing them on twitter. Anyways, Nigerians are known for their hypocritical ways.

I keep asking myself why we repeatedly feel affection when we see our Ex. This iteration is still mystical to me. I don’t get it, if we still feel something for each other, why then did we separate in the first place? I must say it takes courage, self control and GOD for one to resist the sexual advances of an Ex.

There’s an old Chinese proverb that says: “Insanity is doing the same thing in the same way & expecting a different outcome.” Some often get bemused after these happenchance with their Ex and find themselves craving to go back to them. The fact remains just because you had awesome sex with him/her doesn’t mean when you leave your present partner, that things will be all cosy as you want/expect/dream. Returning to an old flame is like reading a book over and over again expecting a different twist in the end. Things will never be the same again.

Hospital Combat

Recently, I was banned from a Facebook group (Scientists in Development) for dropping provocative yet honest comments on the page.
Yeah, I know some of you don’t know this but I’m actually a medical laboratory scientist by profession and there’s an ongoing war between doctors and laboratory scientists in hospitals across the nation.

The fight for supremacy in hospitals has reached its apogee; the doctors see themselves as the messiah, the laboratory scientists want to be level with doctors and the nurses, well, they complete the triad.

This face-off makes me laugh rather than agitate me, I guess now you understand why I was banished from the Facebook group.

I do comprehend the plight of my colleagues; the doctors are egotistical. I don’t know if it’s a personal thing or they were taught that in Ethics class. Well, I must admit not all of them are conceited; my elder sister and my friend, Oseyi are both doctors but they are among the down-to-earth people I’ve met.

Doctors often feel superior to everybody and expect others to tremble at the sound of their voice. They head a lot of departments in the hospital and they are also threatening to take over the laboratory department too. Wait! What am I even saying! They have already taken over the laboratory. Consultant pathologists control laboratory departments in Teaching Hospitals across the nation.

When I asked a friend why they would boss the lab, he smugly replied “because we are doctors”. Another friend went further and said they don’t hanker for the Pharmacy because they are the only ones who perform, apart from them, of course! Imagine!!!!

Albert Einstein made a very important statement: “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” I told my colleagues they are the problem not the doctors and only if they fight the problem would they gain respect. Omo the kind abuse wey I receive no b here oh. Most senior scientists I’ve come by have no masters or doctorate degree; they are contented with just a bachelor’s degree. They feel substandard to doctors, who write exams every year to get to the acme of their profession and often shudder with fear in the presence of doctors. They are yet to recognize their worth. I mean, diagnosis is the bedrock of medicine. When I did my internship program, I squared off against a Consultant; you don’t come to my duty post and tell me what to do. I know my worth, my role and I play it well!

Some of the male scientists lie about having an MBBS when they woo girls because they already have it at the back of their minds that doctors are better than them. British actor, Peter Dinklage alias the Dwarf/Tyrion Lannister in the TV hit series “The Game of Thrones” once said “Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor and it can never be used against you.”

The title “doctor” doesn’t make one better or more intelligent than you; forget all these medical jargons they spit all the time – even in clubs/bars. For instance, a proud doctor would rather use the word ‘masticate’ than ‘chew’ just to let you know a doctor is in your midst. One day, I was out drinking with some colleagues and a doctor friend. Suddenly, the doctor deviated from our gist about money and women and started talking about the link between alcoholism and cytochrome p450, an enzyme that catalyses the oxidation of organic substances in the body; I hate when people do that, life is not all about medicine you know. One of the scientist guys cut him off midway and gave him a proper lecture.

In spite of this, we all can learn from one another and need each other for the betterment of the patients but here we are, fighting over nothing. When a patient visits a hospital, a nurse takes his or her vital signs and sends him/her to a doctor, who clerks the patient and sends him/her to a lab scientist to diagnose and ascertain what’s amiss; after the diagnosis, the lab scientist sends the result back to the doctor to prescribe some drugs, after which the patient heads to the pharmacy where the pharmacist dispenses the drugs to him. You see, it’s an interwoven web or should I say, a merry-go-round and they all need each other.

Why (Just Curious)

Why does a poor man want what he can’t have?

Why isn’t there a cure for AIDS, cancer, diabetes et al?

Why do we always complain about those in power and yet we don’t come out to vote?

Why do “prayer warriors” directly or indirectly demand for money to pray for us?

Why can’t our President set his priorities right?

Why is Farouk Lawan still a free man?

Why do people pledge allegiance to those in power but flee & curse them when they relinquish power?

Why did the Anyene family board that Dana flight?

Why are we all afraid of the Boko Haram sect?

Why do people (especially girls) go gaga for expensive things?

Why do people (the elderly inclusive) lie because of money?

Why do people complain about those in power but when they get into the same office, they do worse than their predecessors?

Why can’t the Government pay workers well but loot money for their families and philandering acts?

Why was Dame Patience Jonathan appointed a permanent secretary in her state?

Why do men ‘kill’ themselves to make money just to please a woman?

Why do parents lie to their children about sex?

Why do we neglect the things of God?

Why do girls lie to each other?

Why do men love alcohol and women clothes & shoes?

Why do patients hate & fear nurses?

Why do we ‘hate’ people who don’t notice or talk to us?

Why do we ‘kill’ ourselves to belong?

Why are the lawyers paid more than the hospital workers in our country?

Why do doctors head Laboratory departments (in a hospital) in this country?

Why do patients get irritable?

Why is the nouveau riche always arrogant?

Why does a brother always lie about a sister that he can’t have?

Why do they say the beautiful ones are not yet born when they are everywhere?

Why do people easily forget the things you did for them and remember those you didn’t do?

Why do men lie & brag about the number of girls they’ve had?

Why do women lie about the number of men they’ve been with?

Why do we waste a lot of time writing out a list of New Year resolutions which we will never keep?

Why do we love social networking sites (facebook, twitter, tagged, flikster, yahoo, 2go, nairaland, morange, hi5, ebuddy, nimbuzz, badoo) so much?

Why do some of us need the approval of others before they can do anything?

Why do people expose all their secrets in bed?

Why do we expose our friends’ secrets to our lovers?

Why are Chelsea fans, touts; Arsenal fans, women and United fans, zealots?

Why don’t we ever tire of comparing Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo?

Why do people ‘hate’ you when you are successful?

Why do we rejoice when there’s a problem in another man’s relationship?

Why do people respect you when you don’t talk to them & take you for granted when you do?

Why can’t we have mad fun supporting our local teams?

Why does a guy/girl have to be the problem between two friends?

Why do we compare & want to be like Mr A when Mr A really wants to be like us?

Why are people so easily intimidated?

Why do we spend so much time facebooking, tweeting and reading a novel and less time reading the Bible?

Why do we get jaded when we spend only two hours worshipping God?

Why does music influence & affect us?

Why can’t a brother/sister tell you how big/low his/her pay check is?

Why do Pentecostal church goers dress & imitate their pastors?

Why do we only remember God when we are sick or heavy laden?

Why do most booze hounds smoke?

Why are you even alive?

Why are you forcing yourself to be hard?

Why do we take people for granted and try to take advantage of them when they are good to us?

Why do we call our lovers more than our families?

Why do we do things we can’t even do for our parents/siblings for our lovers?

Why do people look forward to the NYSC Orientation camp?

Why is the average Nigerian superstitious?

Why do our leaders rely solely on Oil as our export?

Why can’t we have a two-party system in Nigeria?

Why is Nigeria, a failed state?