Gossip: We All Do That Shit

Gossip is so tasty – how we love to swallow it –Proverbs 18vs 8

Gossip is an ancient means of conveying and sharing facts, views and slur. It is described as the casual conversation or unseen reports about people; the idle rumour talk about private or personal affairs of others.

People have diverse views about gossip. Eleanor Roosevelt said “Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people” while Mercedes Lackey said “It’s only gossip if you repeat it until then its gathering information.”

Some perceive it as a free-minded way of disseminating information while others see it as a sin (Biblically, it is placed on par with sexual immorality and murder), hurtful and character defamation. The truth is that we all gossip; one way or the other. We gossip in church, school, at work place, market, mall, social gatherings, home…in fact everywhere. Pretending that none of us is a gossip is a farce.

After all, nobody is perfect and everyone has a flaw to gossip about. For instance, you hear an interesting story/rumour and you find it very hard to digest it alone, so you tell Mr A, if only he swears not to disclose what you’ve told him. Iya! Before you say Jack Robinson, your story has spread round the school, church, work place, etc and the world in general (no thanks to the internet).

Nowadays, gossip sells like sex and it spreads like wild fire. The E! Channel is one TV Station, that is dedicated to gossips and fabulous life of the rich and famous and we are aware of their success. Most magazines and newspapers now have columns for gossip because it surely catches the attention of the readers.

I am of the school of thought that people who gossip ‘A LOT’ are those with low self esteem who desire to fit in at all cost. Some people, especially the ladies, can’t converse with you for 10minutes without gossiping.

Traditionally, women get a lot of criticism for gossiping or should I say gisting as they call it. A male who gossips is a girl’s best friend/companion.

A feminist definition of gossip presents it as “a way of talking between women, intimate in style, personal and domestic in scope and settling, a female cultural event which springs from and perpetuates the restrictions of the female role but also gives the comfort or validation.” (Jones, 1990)

Men and women gossip but there’s a huge gap in the way both sexes gossip. Men talk about cars, sports, alcohol, women, money, weed etc so it endears them to each other, while the female folk whimper and whisper about physical appearance and relationships.

The general rule for gossip is to mind your own business. You don’t want a nosy parker prying in your affairs, so you owe it to them to show them the same amount of respect.

This said, next time you come across some spicy and tasty news, you can use your “fork ear” to sieve the ones you want to assimilate or you can use your “spoon ear” and swallow the news with all the impurities but remember shut your buccal cavity and observe how proceedings unwrap.

Women Lie, Men Lie

The topic of trust is an important factor in all matters of the heart. Men lie to women: women lie to men and most people think lying is necessary to avoid petty arguments and grease the wheels of a relationship.

The main victims of our deception are those close to us, with both men and women most likely to lie to each other.  We may think we are sparing them from the truth but most of the lies are actually about self defence or trying to change the way people think about us.

It is a basic condition of human nature that everybody lies. The only variation is what we gain in strength, courage and confidence about each experience.

Raise your hand if you have ever said something along the line of “Nothing is wrong, I’m fine” and not meant a word of it. Do we all have our hands raised? I thought as much.

Research has shown that men lie 650times a year and women, 537 times. The truth is that we all lie about the same frequency but for different reasons.

Men lie to make themselves look better in the eyes of others while women tend to spare feelings and make other people look better. Some men lie to make themselves seem more impressive when approaching women. They see the dating game as a competition and think they have to out-do their rivals. So they self-aggrandize.

Some men go on and lie about wanting a long intimate relationship. They assume women want this, and only by hinting at a relationship, their desire for love, sex and companionship is achieved. They tend to find themselves trapped in a relationship they didn’t want pretending to be someone they are not. So they lie to get space from the partner or they lie and cheat on their partner; and finally, they lie to escape.

Women on the other hand are likely to be more economical when they meet a new man, they lie to under report the number of sexual partners they have had, lie about their age to appear younger or older and also lie to their friends about how rosy their relationship is.

Parents aren’t left out in this game of deceit. They lie to their children especially when it comes to the topic of education. I’m yet to see a parent who wasn’t the best student in his/her class, they all claim to be Albert Einstein in their days. If everybody dey come first, who come dey take from second to the last positions for the kind class?

In the end, I believe we all lie but the lies are told because of ego; to save face when we feel interrogated by friends and family.

Experience

Experience, they say, is the best teacher. The things we go through everyday influence the way we think and behave.

Sometimes, what you read or hear about people’s experiences isn’t enough; you need to have a first hand experience to grasp what the thing is all about.

That is why I don’t believe in success books, relationship books, motivational books and others. I see them as a bunch of hokum. I know some of you are already nodding or shaking your head in agreement or disagreement as the case may be.

Let me use the relationship (marriage) books for instance, these writers paint a picture based on the experiences they have had; a wise man once told me, you can’t write a book on marriage because our experiences differ and I couldn’t agree more.

Some people who write about the success of their relationships, are actually unhappy but paint a Cinderella picture to his or her readers who end up believing every relationship is like that. The fact remains that no relationship is guaranteed a smooth road and people must fight in a relationship. These fights are actually “the rate-limiting steps” that either strengthen the bond between friends/lovers or make them enemies for the rest of their lives.

However, our experiences can leave an indelible imprint in our head/mind, thus changing our perception about things and life in general. That’s why we do forgive but rarely forget. Our day-to-day experiences shape us and we try to re-adjust to ensure such scenario does or doesn’t repeat itself depending on how it tasted.

Let me use this illustration: certain anti-malarial drugs have been used in treatment and prevention of malaria but the plasmodium (causative organism of malaria) has been found to have developed a resistance to several anti-malarial drugs such as chloroquine, once the parasite gets used to the administered drug, it blocks and neutralizes the effect of the drug. The same applies to our day-to-day activities, a bad experience makes us hard-bitten and aids us create a resistance to hard things life throw at us.

That player or runs girl out there wasn’t always that way, he or she she has been a victim of betrayal of trust and heartbreak. Alas! They make up their minds never to fall in love again, breaking other innocent people’s hearts in the process and the cycle continues.

A friend of mine once told me how his friend took advantage of his nice nature and betrayed him. He had given the friend some money to help him purchase a car; only for the friend to abscond with the money.

Another man told me how he helped his family members and the only way they could repay him was to accuse him falsely to the point that he was ostracized by his village community. The man made a statement I’d never forget. He said “HELP IS A SIN”.

To these two aforementioned people, experience taught them a bitter lesson they would never forget, their perceptions about trust and help have also changed and nothing can be done or said to make them feel otherwise.

In the end, experiences are very important but can make us the finest or the worst of men.

The Mind of A Teenage Dirtbag

My secondary school years have to the best years of my life on earth. Those years were memorable; the experiences I had, the educational and social activities I engaged in, helped in shaping and transforming me into the man I am today.

I enjoyed the best of both worlds: my grades were good and I had a pretty good relationship with a lot of people.

Recently, I ran into an old friend who said something that inspired this write up, he said he can’t wait to see the people who saw him as a loser/nobody, to see what he’s become today.

Have you noticed that some people still have no love lost for the people who offended them back in secondary school?

I will never understand what they passed through back then that made them loathe these people for whatever reason. I tried persuading him to let go of those childhood memories but all I said fell on deaf ears. I believe those things happened a long time ago before we became adults, some have forgotten they bullied, looked down and made fun of you.

A friend told me its easy for me to say because I wasn’t a prey back in the day. The truth is that I was little and people mocked me because of my height but it still didn’t make me think less of myself.

The victims have a hidden agenda against these predators/truants and are bent on teaching them a lesson or two later in life. These memories they are holding onto, are the main reason why they are proud, arrogant, egocentric, braggarts, have low self esteem and ready to do anything to be noticed.

I implore people to let bygones be bygones and get on with their lives. We all did and said a lot of things out of youthful exuberance that shouldn’t be used to judge us today.