Divorce: A Trend In Nigeria Now?

“Everybody seems to be getting married and the unmarried ones seem to be getting more worried.” That’s a tweet from one of the numerous people I follow on the social media, Twitter.

My friend, Mikael gave me the shock of the year so far on my birthday. He told me he wants to settle down with his girlfriend after just three weeks of dating.

Mikael and Valerie met at a birthday party in February and they hit it off. Mikael is one of those guys girls describe as tall, dark, handsome and rich while Valerie is a nymphet with a sexy British accent to say the least.

When he broke the news to me, I was non-plussed and speechless for a while. As a matter of fact, it took me two minutes to recover from the shock.

“Are you serious” I asked him. He told me, the lady is a British citizen, sexy, educated and from a well-to-do family. What else does he need? Although he didn’t say the words, it was obvious he’s settling down with the babe because of her physical attributes and rich background.

I’m really worried for my dear friend because a wise man once told me “Do not marry while too young, for you have not experience enough to train your son; nor be too old, that you have not the patience. There is a mean in marriage, as in all things”

“No man is the same after marriage. Either his joys are doubled and his sorrows halved, or his joys are halved and his sorrows doubled.”

Honestly, the rate at which young people say “I do” is becoming worrisome not because marrying at a young age is a bad thing, NO but because the rate at which they marry is directly proportional to the rate at which they separate and just like the wise man said, there’s a mean in all facets of life.

Call me old fashioned but I believe marriage should be for better, for worse till death parts the couple. Nowadays, people are in a hurry to walk down the aisle, same way they are in haste to separate when one squabble comes along.

In 1969, United States Governor, Ronald Reagan of California signed the nation’s first no-fault divorce bill to eliminate deceit associated with the legal regime of fault-based divorce. A decision he later described as one of the biggest mistakes of political career. The new law eliminated the need for couples to fabricate spousal wrongdoing in pursuit of a divorce;

Thirty years later, the myth of the good divorce has not stood up well in the face of sustained social scientific inquiry — especially when one considers the welfare of children exposed to their parents’ divorces.

The children are often the victims when parents separate/re-marry. They are forced to watch their parents fight themselves in court for their custody. Children from divorced are often if not always troubled. The role of a father and mother as a team in the life of a growing child can never be over-emphasized so they need to stick together even if they don’t get along anymore, just for the sake of the kids.

Due to civilisation and imitation of western culture, divorce is on the rise in our dear nation. Most young men seem to believe the only aim of marriage is for pro-creation while others succumb to the pressure from their girlfriends,via pregnancy or otherwise to put a ring on her finger and legalise their coitus.

Then, there are the desperate ones especially the females, who plunge into the pool of marriage with their make-up on, polluting the pool as a result.

Most people crumble under pressure,the pressure from some families has made a lot of people miserable because they ended up with people they weren’t supposed to end up with it.

There is also a group that believe in fantasy/fairytale of marrying early and growing up with their kids so they rush into what they aren’t ready for, all in a bid to have that “happily ever after” life.

We need to understand that marriage isn’t a “boyfriend/girlfriend” issue. Marriage is sacred, a union blessed by God, who detests the word, divorce. (Malachi 2:13-16; also read Matthew 19:9 & Ephesians 13:4)

There’s no rush when it comes to marriage, take your time to know your partner inside and out, know what he/she likes and dislikes, make sure you can cope and live the rest of your life with his flaws as well as he’s ready to live with yours.

Marriage needs maturity, understanding, wisdom, endurance and tolerance to cope with the hitches that come with it.

Always remember, marriage is not about what happens at the wedding but what happens after the wedding.

Passive Smoking

Smokers always find it offensive when you tell them not to smoke around you. Choosing to smoke and destroying your own health is one thing but passive smoking, also known as Environmental Tobacco Smoke (ETS) or Second-hand Smoke (SHS), damages the health of those around you. The first global study into the effects of passive smoking has estimated it causes 600,000 deaths every year.

A non-smoker is subjected to both the “side stream” smoke from the burning tip of the cigarette and the “mainstream” smoke that has been inhaled and then is exhaled into their environment by the smoker. Most of the smoke that builds up in a room containing a smoker is of the more harmful “side stream” type. It is not too much of a conceptual leap to understand that the smoke from cigarettes, which is so bad for the smoker, is also damaging to everyone else.

Tobacco smoke contains cancer-causing carcinogenic agents. Tobacco smoke also contains carbon monoxide, a poisonous gas, which inhibits the transportation of oxygen to the body’s vital organs via the blood. The smoke emitted from the tip of a cigarette has about double the concentration of nicotine and tar as the smoke being directly inhaled by the smoker. It also contains about three times the amount of the carcinogen benzo(a)pyrene, five times the level of carbon monoxide and about 50 times the amount of ammonia. Add to these the other chemicals in the smoke like arsenic, formaldehyde, vinyl chloride, and hydrogen cyanide and you have a very unappetizing toxic gas cocktail. Remember that the passive smoker receives all of this and gets none of the enjoyment that you get out of smoking in return. Many of the potentially toxic gasses in the smoke are present in higher concentrations in the “side stream” smoke than in the “mainstream” smoke.

In tests, tobacco specific carcinogens have been found in samples of blood or urine provided by non-smokers who have been exposed to passive smoking. The great Gani Fawehinmi SAN died in 2009 after a prolonged battle with lung cancer. Prior to his death, he maintained he doesn’t smoke and was astonished when the doctors in UK told him he had lung cancer.

Any person exposed to passive smoking may experience short-term symptoms such as a headache, a cough, wheezing, an eye irritation, a sore throat, nausea or dizziness. Adults with asthma may also experience a significant decline in lung function when exposed to second-hand smoke. Under these conditions it can take as little as half an hour for an individual’s coronary blood flow to become reduced.

It was estimated that prolonged exposure to second-hand tobacco smoke, such as in the home, increases the risk of lung cancer by approximately 20 to 25%. Even if you do not accept the accuracy of these percentages, it is well established that you have an increased chance of developing lung cancer through passive smoking if you are a non-smoker but live with someone who smokes. The chances of suffering from ischaemic heart disease are greater for those exposed to passive smoking compared to those who are not. Studies have shown that the risk of experiencing a heart attack is believed to be almost doubled by regular exposure to second-hand smoke.

Some of the most serious damage inflicted by passive smoking is done to children during their formative years. As you would expect, a child’s bronchial tubes are smaller and their immune systems are less developed making them more susceptible to the harmful effects of passive smoking. Due to the fact that their airways are smaller, children breathe faster than adults and, consequently, they actually breathe in comparatively more of the harmful chemicals in the smoke, based on their body weight, than adults do.Young children, by necessity, spend a lot of time at home and maternal smoking is one of the major sources of passive smoking because of the child’s close proximity to their parents during early childhood.

Exposure to tobacco smoke can double the chances of your child requiring hospitalisation for illnesses like bronchitis, bronchiolitis, and pneumonia that affect the lower respiratory tract, especially during the first year of life. They are also more likely to suffer from ear infections (glue ear), tonsillitis, and asthma. Passive smoking is known to be one of the main contributing factors in the development of childhood asthma. It can exacerbate existing asthma, increasing both the frequency of the attack and its severity. Second-hand tobacco smoke may damage a child’s olfactory function so that they have difficulty differentiating certain smells. There is also the chance that passive smoking may have a negative effect on a child’s cognitive abilities, impairing their ability to read or use reasoning skills.

Just as a woman should not smoke during pregnancy, she should not be exposed to second-hand tobacco smoke. There are links between parental smoking and the incidence of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome or “cot death”. It has been estimated that the infants of mothers who smoke are put at almost five times the risk of dying from “cot death” when compared to the infants of mothers who do not smoke. Passive smoking is also a recognised factor in lowering the birth weight of babies.

Not only can passive smoking harm your foetus but it can also reduce the chances of you getting pregnant in the first place. Female fertility can suffer because of passive smoking, making it harder to conceive a child.

To continue to smoke and put the health of your family and loved-ones at risk would seem, on the face of it, to be a rather selfish act. When you take into account the damage that smoking is doing to your own body, then it seems more like insanity.
Think of how traumatic it would be if a member of your family became ill or died because of your smoking habit. Now consider the fact that they would feel exactly the same way if smoking ended your life prematurely or made you seriously ill. You may find yourself asking “Why do I still smoke?”

Peer Pressure: Good or Bad?

 

It is a natural phenomenon for us to copy and want to be like the people we admire in life. The struggle to fit in at all cost has made a lot of us to do what we wouldn’t do on a normal day. Peer pressure is tantamount with the youths; after all we spend most of our day in the company of friends more than our parents and siblings.

As kids, our parents choose the kids we hang out with; preferably kids of their friends. As we grow, we fight to remove the shackles our parents have on us and choose our clique of friends. Most times, we choose people who have similar interests, beliefs and experiences to ours. Together, you and your friends make decisions and influence each other every day.

Making decisions on your own and standing your ground is worrisome; but when other people are drawn in and try to pressure; it gets more worrisome. Friends affect and influence our lives even without us realizing it, just by spending time with us.

Psychologist Wendy Treynor described peer pressure as “Identity Shift Effect”. One’s state of harmony is disrupted when faced with the threat of external conflict or failing to conform to a group’s standard. Thus, we conform to the group’s standard but as soon as one does, eliminating this external conflict, internal conflict is introduced. To rid oneself of this internal conflict, an identity shift is undertaken where one adopts the group standards as one’s own, thereby eliminating internal conflict; returning one to a state of harmony.

To me, Peer Pressure is the hassle by friends for us to do something we don’t want to do. It doesn’t have to be  negative; it could also be positive .

For instance, on the negative side, most of my mates started lighting a cigarette as far back as JS2/3. Even though some didn’t want to be part of it but because they were scared to be labelled a Jew man, they gave in to peer pressure and they are hooked. Others started snubbing some people because their clique frowned at the sight of them talking with the unpopular ones alias nerds/jew men.

Positively, friends’ pressure can help us learn a lot of things like a new skill. In my primary school days, after watching soccer stars like Diego Maradona, Roberto Carlos, Raul Gonzalez and Savio; I believed left-legged players had more shot power than those who play with the right leg so I pressured my friend Chife for us to learn how to play football comfortably with both legs and we did it!

Some years ago, I had a near death experience that left me incarcerated in a hospital for some months. Then, I was an under graduate in my 400L. With exams lurking, I lost hope of writing the exams and made up my mind I was going to spend an extra year in school but my friend didn’t want to hear any of it and sent me an SMS I will never forget. She said “if there’s anybody I know that can pull this off, it’s you”. Those eleven words urged me to read and instantly, energy from nowhere sprang up in me and I started flying like those men you see in Red Bull commercials. I wrote that exam from the hospital and came out with flying colours.

As we grow older, peers naturally play a greater role in our lives. Due to the amount of time we spend together, we develop close bond with our peers and may feel so connected to them that they are like an extended family.

So do you think peer pressure is good or bad?

Why (Just Curious)

Why does a poor man want what he can’t have?

Why isn’t there a cure for AIDS, cancer, diabetes et al?

Why do we always complain about those in power and yet we don’t come out to vote?

Why do “prayer warriors” directly or indirectly demand for money to pray for us?

Why can’t our President set his priorities right?

Why is Farouk Lawan still a free man?

Why do people pledge allegiance to those in power but flee & curse them when they relinquish power?

Why did the Anyene family board that Dana flight?

Why are we all afraid of the Boko Haram sect?

Why do people (especially girls) go gaga for expensive things?

Why do people (the elderly inclusive) lie because of money?

Why do people complain about those in power but when they get into the same office, they do worse than their predecessors?

Why can’t the Government pay workers well but loot money for their families and philandering acts?

Why was Dame Patience Jonathan appointed a permanent secretary in her state?

Why do men ‘kill’ themselves to make money just to please a woman?

Why do parents lie to their children about sex?

Why do we neglect the things of God?

Why do girls lie to each other?

Why do men love alcohol and women clothes & shoes?

Why do patients hate & fear nurses?

Why do we ‘hate’ people who don’t notice or talk to us?

Why do we ‘kill’ ourselves to belong?

Why are the lawyers paid more than the hospital workers in our country?

Why do doctors head Laboratory departments (in a hospital) in this country?

Why do patients get irritable?

Why is the nouveau riche always arrogant?

Why does a brother always lie about a sister that he can’t have?

Why do they say the beautiful ones are not yet born when they are everywhere?

Why do people easily forget the things you did for them and remember those you didn’t do?

Why do men lie & brag about the number of girls they’ve had?

Why do women lie about the number of men they’ve been with?

Why do we waste a lot of time writing out a list of New Year resolutions which we will never keep?

Why do we love social networking sites (facebook, twitter, tagged, flikster, yahoo, 2go, nairaland, morange, hi5, ebuddy, nimbuzz, badoo) so much?

Why do some of us need the approval of others before they can do anything?

Why do people expose all their secrets in bed?

Why do we expose our friends’ secrets to our lovers?

Why are Chelsea fans, touts; Arsenal fans, women and United fans, zealots?

Why don’t we ever tire of comparing Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo?

Why do people ‘hate’ you when you are successful?

Why do we rejoice when there’s a problem in another man’s relationship?

Why do people respect you when you don’t talk to them & take you for granted when you do?

Why can’t we have mad fun supporting our local teams?

Why does a guy/girl have to be the problem between two friends?

Why do we compare & want to be like Mr A when Mr A really wants to be like us?

Why are people so easily intimidated?

Why do we spend so much time facebooking, tweeting and reading a novel and less time reading the Bible?

Why do we get jaded when we spend only two hours worshipping God?

Why does music influence & affect us?

Why can’t a brother/sister tell you how big/low his/her pay check is?

Why do Pentecostal church goers dress & imitate their pastors?

Why do we only remember God when we are sick or heavy laden?

Why do most booze hounds smoke?

Why are you even alive?

Why are you forcing yourself to be hard?

Why do we take people for granted and try to take advantage of them when they are good to us?

Why do we call our lovers more than our families?

Why do we do things we can’t even do for our parents/siblings for our lovers?

Why do people look forward to the NYSC Orientation camp?

Why is the average Nigerian superstitious?

Why do our leaders rely solely on Oil as our export?

Why can’t we have a two-party system in Nigeria?

Why is Nigeria, a failed state?

 

 

Corrupt State of Nigeria: We all have benefitted from it

Corruption, as we all know is the destruction, ruining and spoiling of a society or nation. Corruption is an age-old phenomenon. Selfishness and greed are the two main causes. 

A corrupt nation loses its value for integrity, virtue or moral principles. It changes for the worse. Such a society begins to decay and sets itself on the road to destruction.

Corruption has always been the bane of our country’s development and we have seen a steep of upward trend of existing corruption. Nigeria has been engulfed by corruption that we have reached the position of one of the top ten or so of the corrupt countries in the world.

How can we develop when even our parents (elderly) who ought to lead by example are corrupt? At a very tender age, parents inculcate this bad trait in their children. For instance, when I wrote my National Common Entrance exam, so many parents (family friends) bought me with gifts to help their kids with answers. I, being an innocent kid didn’t know I was already employed as a mercenary. Imagine a child having that kind of notion that you can bribe your way to success and that he doesn’t need to read to pass.

Corruption is rampant everywhere, this malady has spread through like the length and breadth of our social fabric metastatically like a malignant cancer.

Corrupt practices have eaten have into our lifestyles to such an extent that we don’t see anything wrong in what we do anymore and that things should be the way they are. We are inclined to justify all the wrongs. 

Corruption has gone viral in our society and we have reached a point of no return; it’s the beginning of the end.

These days we all are well informed of the malpractices that thrive nowadays and we have expressed revulsion, disgust and frowned at the way things are going in the country but I’ve always maintained, we all have gained and profited from corruption in one way or the other. After all, my Igbo people say “Na Obodo adigi mma bu uru ndi nze” meaning the crisis state of a society/nation is to the merit and benefit of the rich and mighty. If you say you have not benefitted from corruption, you are only playing the game of deceit with your head.

One way or the other, I don’t think there’s any man out there that will say he has been fair all his life and never broken any rule/law.

Let’s play a game of 21 questions; have you ever sorted to pass an exam? Have you ever asked someone to write attendance for you in school or at your workplace in your absence? Did you write your jamb in a special centre? Did you have to pay a concessional fee to get admission into secondary or tertiary institution? Have you ever rogered the police? Have you ever given bribe to wriggle your way out of a difficult situation? Have you ever been given preferential treatment in a bank or any other place? Have you ever bribed anybody to get a job even though you are the least qualified? Have you ever smoked weed? Did you drink before you were 21? Have you ever driven a car under the influence of alcohol? Have you ever indulged in child trafficking? Have you ever abused a child either physically or sexually? Did you have sex before you were 18? Have you ever slept with an underage girl or guy? Have you as a priest not stood your ground against corruption publicly? Have you ever killed a family member just to make money? Have you ever indulged in rituals for political reasons or because of mere jealousy? Have you even been part of a cyber crime? Have you ever embezzled public fund?  Have you ever kidnapped anybody or acted as an informant for kidnappers/robbers? Have you ever run a traffic red light before?

If you are guilty of any of these crimes, your guess is as good as mine, you are corrupt.