Over-expectation, a recipe for disaster

image

It is quite astonishing how sports are linked to our every day lives https://arturozinga.wordpress.com/2013/04/03/footballs-life-lessons-part-1/ https://arturozinga.wordpress.com/2013/04/07/footballs-life-lessons-part-2/ This past weekend, the best TV series, the English Premier League (EPL) returned to our TV screens for the 24th season. Prior to its premiere, there was a lot of fanfare worldwide. Every fan predicted how the season premiere would shape up.

Chelsea fans, brimming with confidence, were so keen for their team to kickstart the defence of their EPL crown whilst Arsenal fans, based on their team’s recent acquisition of World class goalkeeper Petr Cech and pre-season heroics, believe this season will finally be theirs. As a result, some predicted a 6-0 trashing for their teams against their first opponents Swansea City and West Ham United respectively. However, their expectations weren’t met and their teams were surprised by these less fancied teams.

Just like these football fans, how often do we over-expect and put so much emphasis on positivity? When do we come to know that we are expecting something impossible?

It is natural for one to have expectations; expectations play a huge role in our lives. We all have personal goals and visions; how our lives should be in 10-20 years from now, how our personal relationships should be, how our favourite sports team should play or how we should be rewarded for our efforts and thence expectations are synonymous with the word should.

In all honesty, when there’s love, there will be expectations. Whether it is love between a child and the parents, husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend or a fan and his/her favourite celebrity/sports club, there will always be expectations in any kind of love. In other words, we depend and expect so much from the others. Robert Greene wrote in his book, The 50th Law, “Dependency is a habit that is so easy to acquire…It is hard to resist. But once you give in, it is like a prison you enter that you cannot ever leave.”

Expectations have a huge effect on our emotions; they can make you happy as well as rob your happiness. We set the tone for disaster when we over-expect thereby creating toxic relationships and consequently, expectations kill love. Over-expectation is hard to define but it creates a perfect recipe for disaster.

image

image

image

Everyone in the world is governed by self-interest. We expect people to follow our own rules and principles, and share our values, dreams and experiences. We tend to expect more from others in comparison to what we actually have to offer. There is a wide gap between our expectations and supply but many love to disregard this fact and focus on getting the best. For example, everyone has a list of features s/he expects his/her dream partner to possess but just a few actually work on themselves to be that perfect somebody we all desire.

Nonetheless, it is a fact that one cannot run away from expectations but it is important to set these expectations around reality. The reality of life is that none of us came into this world with a crystal ball so twists and turns are a natural part of life.

Realists are not scared to embrace the hard truths (twists and turns) of life; they weigh both positive and negative sides of everything life throws at them. The best option for one is to embrace reality and lower his/her expectations.

Thank you for making out time to read this article. If you have enjoyed it, please comment and share your views on this issue. Also, do like, share and follow the blog.

“The More” by Chukwukadibia Ude

The more proud you are, the more the bondage of unacceptance

The more stingy you are, the more the bondage of poverty

The more unforgiving you are, the more the bondage of unrest

The more you celebrate your success in front of someone who’s down, the more you keep the person in mental suffering

The more you accuse people, the more the bondage of distrust

The more jealous you are, the more the bondage of planning against people

The more you make jealousy a lifestyle, the more the bondage of falling below those you are jealous of

The more you depend on people, the more the bondage of disappointment/heartbreak

The more cunning you are, the more the bondage of feeling cheated

The more you are quick to get angry (the more irritable you are), the more the bondage of people withdrawing from you

The less considerate you are, the more the bondage of losing people

The more arrogant you are, the more the bondage of loneliness

The more materialistic you are, the more the bondage of vanity/foolishness

The less focus you have, the more the bondage of being misled

The more you complain about people, the more the bondage of depression

The more you live your life for what people will say, the more the bondage of failure

The more you rely on your abilities alone, the more the bondage of stagnation

The more you fail to act, the more the bondage of procrastination

The more you fail to listen, the more the bondage of mistakes

The more you gossip, the more the bondage of darkness.
(You block your own sight while those you gossip about excel)

The more lustful you are, the more the bondage of guilt

The less cheerful you are, the more the bondage of loneliness

The less humorous you are, the more the bondage of rigidity

The less free you are at discussions, the more the bondage of being used

The more you are too open, the more the bondage of disrespect

The less you comport yourself, the more the bondage of low self confidence

The more you appear too simple, the more the bondage of misconception

The more you over praise people, the more the bondage of being seen as an ordinary

The more you say what you are not sure of, the more the bondage of “had I known”

The more you condemn people, the more the bondage of judging people

The more you live a life of competition, the more the bondage of devaluing your best friends

The more you live a life of comparison, the more the bondage of inferiority complex

The more you feel too important or too good at something, the more the bondage of superiority complex

The more tribalistic you are, the more the bondage of favouritism

The more you act as a perfectionist, the more the bondage of seeing others as low standard

The less courage you have, the more the bondage of fear

The more you dirty you are, the more the bondage of disregard

The more rich/successful you appear, the more the bondage of having fake friends

The poorer you appear, the more the bondage of negligence

The more foolish you appear, the more the bondage of being used

The more weakness you reveal, the more the bondage of being influenced

The more you appear too playful, the more the bondage of taking you for granted

The more you eat a lot, the more the bondage of dissatisfaction

The more appear fake, the more the bondage of borrowing/spending unnecessarily

The more you follow those with low mentality, the more the bondage of unnecessary/blind argument

The more you claim you are too brilliant, the more the bondage of being beaten

The more you make noise on a particular course without leading it, the more the bondage of feeling stupid

The more you show off with wealth or position, the more the bondage of irrelevant acquisitions

The more you value too much wine, the more the bondage of spending too much

The more you seek too many women, the more the bondage of worry

The more you seek affair with many men, the more the bondage of worry

The more you live a dirty secret life, the more the bondage of guilt/condemnation

The more you sin, the more the bondage of not praying

The less mercy you show on people, the more the bondage of being judged

The more you betray your friends, the more the bondage of losing them

The less self control you have, the more the bondage of indecision

The more selfish you are, the more the bondage of secrecy and stinginess

The less watchful you are, the more the bondage of regret

The less careful you are, the more the bondage of disappointment

The more you worry, the more the bondage of frustration

The less silent you appear, the more the bondage of trouble

The less love you show, the more the bondage of unhappiness

The more you seek success to beat someone, the more the bondage of daydreams

The more you talk about your dreams, the more the bondage of nightmares

The more you are seen, the more the bondage of being devalued

The more you are afraid of people, the more the bondage of feeling insecure

The more you face trials, the more the bondage of rejection

The more you avoid team work, the more the bondage of remaining the same

The more you refuse to share information, the more the bondage of mediocrity

The more you live above your means, the more the bondage of declining

The less approachable you are, the more the bondage of pride

The less love you are shown, the more the bondage of jealousy

The less you read/know, the more the bondage of concluding wrongly

The wider you read/know however, the more the bondage of criticism

The more you use filthy language, the more the bondage of silly thoughts

The more you act as a false witness, the more the bondage of shame

The more you show too much softness, the more the bondage of being taken for granted

The more you appear too hard, the more the bondage of being feared

The more you complain about problems, the more the bondage of more problems

The more you sleep with someone’s wife or husband, the more the bondage of feeling dead while living

The more you push your ways, the more the bondage of regret

The more you stay idle, the more the bondage of sin/evil

The more you analyse what you do not need, the more the bondage of folly

The more you follow people for what they have, the more the bondage of cheapness

The more you accept bribe, the more the bondage of being perceived as a poor man by the one who bribed

The more you fail to think wide as if there were no box at all, the more the bondage of feeling like an educated illiterate

The more you force yourself to do what you know you do not know how to do, the more the bondage of disgrace

The more you lie, the more the bondage of distrust as well as no peace of mind

The more you chase a man, the more the bondage of hatred for men

The more you sleep with prostitutes, the more the bondage of disregard for women

The more you watch porn, the more the bondage of self induced sex or feeling weak always

The less decent you appear, the more the bondage of attracting wrong people

The more you wear skimpy clothing, the more the bondage of being in the centre of the motives of players

The more you claim too good, the more the bondage of being a target

The more you refuse to change, the more the bondage of same results

The more you drink/eat too much, the more the bondage of having taste difficulties

The more you act as a hypocrite, the more the bondage of being deceitful

The more you block ways for your friends through gossip, the more the bondage
of losing those you advice against your friends

The more you follow the crowd, the more the bondage of “no thought” process

The more you are gender biased, the more the bondage of being right all the time or never being wrong

The more biased you are over issues of life, the more the bondage of confinement with people so unreasonable

The more confined you are, the more the bondage of low esteem

The more you go out too much, the more the bondage of life imbalance

The more you boast of where you are from, the more the bondage of complex

The more you disregard lower workers, the more the bondage of lack of information

The more you fail to teach, the more the bondage of not learning

The more you give conditions for helping people, the more the bondage of low commendation

The more you treat your house girl as
a poor and wretched fellow, the more the bondage of sympathetic betrayal from your good husband

The more you deny people their rights, the more the bondage of being denied in your old age

The more you sleep around for money, grades, possessions, materials, etc, the more the bondage of “no self worth”

The more you kill, the more the bondage of being a beast

The more you give out what you can do, the more the bondage of incompetence

The more you boast about your ambition for money, the more the bondage of trying to impress others

The more you seek only beautiful women, the more the bondage of indecision in selecting a spouse

The more you lie to your spouse, the more the bondage of reduced care

The more your lover hears something about you outside without you telling him/her first, the more the bondage of
disregard

The more you fall for the wrong person, the more the bondage of “on and off” and directionless love

The more the one you love falls for another person, the more the bondage of rejection

The more you neglect the person who loves you naturally, the more the bondage of self pity

The more you listen to gossip, the more the bondage of falsehood

The more you act as a boss but less as a leader, the more the bondage of enmity

The more you fail to smile, the more the bondage of wrong perception

The more you are too objective in your opinions, the more the bondage of misunderstanding from people

The more you show too much concern, the more the bondage of feeling down (because those you show the concern may see it as if you are judging them)

The more you speak too much of the truth, the more the bondage of “having only a few people” around you

The more you get closer to many ladies in the same environment, the more the bondage of worry

The more you criticise people, the more the bondage of pressure to deliver when your own turn comes

The more you give too much support for someone, the more the bondage of bias

The more you laugh at people, the more the bondage of “how can I beg this man to forgive me?”

The more you condemn what you see old people do when you are a teenager, the more you face the bondage of same temptation at your old age

The more you say a church is better than the other, the more the bondage of condemnation in your christian life

The more you gossip about men of God, the more the bondage of falling into traps

The more you keep silent over the wrong opinion of a christian who leads your group, the more the bondage of gossip within the group (Talk to the leader himself)

The more you look down on people, the more the bondage of surprises

The more you expect much from those you feel are the best, the more the bondage of shrugging your shoulders

The less time you give to children, the more the bondage of “not understanding humility”

The less patient you are, the more the bondage of giving up

The less faith you have, the more the bondage of doubt

The more unfaithful you are, the more the bondage of lies

The less your relationship with God, the more the bondage of confusion/wandering

The more indecisive you are, the more the bondage of delay

The less persevering you are in times of trials, the more the bondage of folly

The more over ambitious you are, the more the bondage of losing your loved ones

The less persistent you are, the more the bondage of self disbelief

The more lazy you are, the more the bondage of blindness to opportunities

The more you give up on what you would have done well because you did not look deep, the more the bondage of stupidity

The less questions you ask, the more the bondage of getting it all wrong almost all the time

The less you prepare, the more the bondage of losing

The more you pride yourself on your fighting strength, the more the bondage of defeat

The less you fail to read the word of God, the more the bondage of dying and being inactive

The more you fail to study and practice God’s word, the more the bondage of sin

The more you pay attention to material things more than people, the more the bondage of depression

The more you pride yourself due to your profession, the more the bondage of being the same in reasoning till death

The more you argue with an expert over what you do not know, the more the bondage of feeling ashamed later

The more you over praise your family even when no one asks you, the more the bondage of feeling mocked

The more you defend what people know is true about you, the more the bondage of folly

The less you travel, the more the bondage of a wrong perception of achieving more than others

The less you interact with people from low class, the more the bondage of leading your children astray

The more you tell your children more wrongs about people than rights, the more they face the bondage of causing problems

The more you preach and fail to do, the more the bondage of misleading people

The more you take advantage of people, the more the bondage of disrespect/disgrace

The more you fail to celebrate with others, the more the bondage of rejection

The more you reduce your closeness with loved people because your level has changed, the more the bondage of being devalued

Marriage…scary

I was opportune to grace my friend’s parents’ Silver Jubilee (25th Wedding Anniversary) in Abuja last month. The parents met during their National Youth Service Corps (NYSC) programme, they both served in Jigawa State in the 80s and also got married in the 80s at Holy Ghost Cathedral Church Enugu.

During the mass, the presiding priest asked the couple to exchange/renew their vows; the man expressed his undying love for his wife, thanking her for accepting his marriage proposal, carrying and bringing their children to the world, assisting and standing by him through the ups and downs of life.

At the end of his speech, the woman was short of words and whimpered like a baby. It was evident that something like LOVE still exists; it’s always cute to see old couples holding hands and looking at each other like teenagers who just fell in love.

Sitting with some friends during the reception, we started arguing if such still exist in this our generation. They all concurred that marriage is something they all dread and aren’t ready to ply that road anytime soon.

I comprehend their fears completely; the urge for material things has changed the story of love thus most ladies can’t function if there’s no cash involved. Money shouldn’t be the priority when choosing a partner. There’s more to marriage than money alone.

Marriage is a broad course, nobody has ever got an A in it but that doesn’t mean you should have an F. Marriage isn’t about the wedding either but it’s about everything that happens after the wedding. It is a 3-ring affair: Engagement ring, Wedding ring and Suffering. Yes, you read that right. Paul said in 1st Corinthians Chapter 7 v 28: “But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face troubles in this life…”

People say marriage is an achievement but I disagree; raising a family is the achievement and not marriage itself. There are so many factors put into consideration before a man/woman decides to spend the rest of his/her life with the partner. These vital factors include: love, compatibility, understanding, tolerance and sustainable means of livelihood for the family.

Most women say they want security in life so they won’t date the poor but what they fail to understand is that a poor man with a good heart is better than a rich man with the heart of a beast. If that dude isn’t rich today doesn’t mean he will be poor forever. My Igbo people say “UWA NA EME NTUGHARI” meaning the world revolves and nothing is permanent. Getting married to the rich doesn’t guarantee happiness in life. Happiness is priceless perhaps those who say they will rather cry inside a Mercedes Maybach than laugh on a bicycle have never experienced pain in their lives. Don’t misconstrue my point; I’m not in support of a man dragging someone’s daughter to suffer with him…NO. The man must have a sustainable means of livelihood for the family and also the woman should work and aid the husband because she was created by GOD to be a help mate to the man, helping him to be the best in all ramifications. The purpose of working and earning is for the woman to appreciate what the husband gives her.

A couple has to be compatible and understand each other for the marriage to work; they must share the same ambitions and aspirations. Due to the fact that we all have flaws, tolerance is vital. In my opinion, the union between an uneducated man and educated lady will ‘NEVER’ work because men are naturally egotistical and he will feel insecure in the long run.

In the end, work hard and pray hard for GOD to make you successful and take you to the apex of your aspirations and also to provide a good partner in life for you. What qualifies you as a great partner isn’t in your looks/appearance but it’s in your good heart, good character and real personality. When a real man finds a real woman, he will never let her go. It’s funny how material women blame men for breaking their hearts. Real men/women don’t settle down with fake women/men. The only place you can find a fake woman is temporarily in the heart of a foolish man but when the fool becomes wise, the wise person is in serious problems. Looking for a real man/woman when you are a sham is like looking for a live fish in the forest.