Tag: happiness

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Me, You and Sad Songs

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Emotions are frequent companions in our lives. They can’t be controlled; they come and go like the weather. Nevertheless, music has a powerful influence on our emotions. For instance, human beings are so fixated on the idea of happiness. This is why Pharell Williams’ “Happy” was a massive hit.

However, British music acts Adele and Sam Smith have received global recognition and scooped various awards for belting out sad heartbreaking songs. When Adele released her new album “25” recently, the Internet was thrown into ‘sadness.’ Virtually everybody had her single “Hello” on repeat. Some even made cover versions of the sad song.

This got me asking myself some questions like why the huge attachment to sad songs despite our obsession for happiness? how many people are truly happy?

Funnily, I went through my music collection and realised I have more sad songs than happy songs. To worsen the matter, I found out that the sad songs were some of my favourite songs. I assure you I’m not a masochist nor a saddist so the result was surprising to me. I bet you if you go through yours, you may get the same result.

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Here is a list of 50 popular songs that are actually sad. You might find some of your favourite songs in it too.

1. Wiz Khalifa ft Charlie Puth – See You Again
2. Sia – Big Girls Cry
3. Adele – Hello
4. Adele – Someone Like You
5. Sam Smith – Lay Me Down
6. Sam Smith – Stay With Me
7. Sam Smith – Not The Only One
8. 2Face Idibia – True Love
9. Omarion – Ice Box
10. Nicki Minaj – Pills & Portions
11. Seether ft Amy Lee – Broken
12. Hinder – Lips of Angel
13. Ed Sheeran – Kiss Me
14. Drake – Find Your Love
15. Justin Timberlake – Lovestoned
16. Enrique Iglesias ft Sean Garrett – Away
17. Rascal Flatts – What Hurts The Most
18. Rascal Flatts – Here Comes Goodbye
19. The Script – BreakEven
20. Hoobastank – The Reason
21. Bon Jovi – Misunderstood
22. Coldplay – Fix You
23. Coldplay – The Scientist
24. One Republic – Say (All I Need)
25. Tom Odell – Another Love
26. One Republic – Apologise
27. James Blunt – You’re Beautiful
28. Rihanna ft Mikky Ekko – Stay
29. Pink – Just Like A Pill
30. Mario Winans ft. P.Diddy – I Don’t Wanna Know
31. Puff Daddy ft. Faith Evans/112 – I’ll Be Missing You
32. Bruno Mars – Grenade/If I Was Your Man
33. Mr Probs – Waves
34. Ruben Studdard – Sorry 2004
35. Trey Songz – Never Again
36. James Arthur – Recovery
37. Jennifer Paige – Stranded
38. Daniel Merriweather – Red
39. Gotye ft Kimbra – Somebody I Used To Know
40. Drake – Mavins Room
41. Drake – Hotline Bling (don’t let the video confuse you)
42. Snow Patrol or Leona Lewis – Run
43. Chris Brown – Say Goodbye
44. Chris Brown ft. Kendrick Lamar – Autumn Leaves
45. Nas ft. Quan – Just A Moment
46. Nelly Furtado – In God’s Hands
47. Nelly Furtado – All Good Things (Come To An End)
48. Ne-Yo – Do You
49. Chris Brown ft Tyga & Kevin McCall – Deuces
50. Creed – One Last Breath

Did you find any of your favourite songs on the list? If yes, surprising isn’t it? I have come to the conclusion that sad songs are unarguably the best songs. Initially, I had thought sad songs are there to help us deal with the emotional stress of a current heartbreak, death, rejection or other misfortunes in life however I come to realise that sad songs are also pleasurable.

Recent studies by German and Japanese researchers respectively showed that sad songs don’t necessarily make us sad. Rather they play a role in emotional regulation. Along with sadness, they also evoke nostalgia, tenderness, empathy, peacefulness, forgiveness and other pleasant emotions like bliss and awe. Also, they were found to be more likely than happy songs to arouse our pleasurable emotions.

Phew! Not all sadness is bad afterall; it can also contribute richly to our lives. However, one ought to be careful before his/her sadness deteriorates into depression.

I hope I have managed to put you in the mood for some sad music going into the weekend. What’s your go to sad song to make you feel better. Please share in the comment section.

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Is everybody an addict?

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I was listening to the song John Doe, performed by B.O.B and Priscilla, last night and some lines from the song go like this.

Errybody’s addicted to something
Errybody gotta grip onto something
Even if it’s just to feel the response of appeal
Maybe once, maybe twice
Maybe hundreds of times, hundreds of times

This got my mind racing; is everyone really addicted to something? Is addiction part of our make up as humans? Does it help one to fight his/her inner demons?

To answer these questions; yes I think everybody is addicted to something or capable of being an addict and addiction is a part of human condition. However I don’t know if it helps us crush our inner demons.

Whether it is drugs, sex, violence, alcohol, porn, nicotine, food, gambling, coffee, shopping or something seemingly innocuous like gossiping, exercise, power, religion, love, attention, TV series, music, looks or obsession to work, every individual has addictive tendencies. So, it is left for one to acknowledge that particular bane of his/her life.

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Our world encourages and demands addiction. Just like Oliver Twist, we yearn for more – more money, more power, more knowledge, more success, more status, more gadgets, more cars, more happiness.

Boredom is directly proportional to addiction. Most people can’t handle boredom. To be fair, nobody likes being bored. Once we are bored, we look for things to keep ourselves busy until we cross that fine line between loving or using something a lot, and being addicted. You know what they a say, an idle mind is the devil’s workshop.

In the end, it is safe to presume that everybody is addicted to something and everybody is an addict but we can channel our addictive tendencies into something positive.

What are you addicted to?

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It Is A Selfish World

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One has lost count of the number of people he’s been “friends” with. In hindsight, these people became friends with me for different reasons – most of which (if not all) were selfish.

I used to be annoyed when people portray their selfishness but some events made me realise that I am as selfish as the people I loathed. This epiphany led me to another Zinga theory, that no matter how awesome we may think we are, there is a (selfish) reason why that man/woman is around us. And everything we do has a selfish connotation and engineered in such a way to make us happy.

Selfishness is often regarded as something evil; an image of one who cares for no one but himself or herself and pursues nothing but his or her own happiness. Being selfish has never been given to anyone as a compliment.

This is a common misconception about selfishness; being selfish has a variety of meanings. Melissa Deuter, Clinical Assistant Professor of Psychiatry at the University of Texas Health Science Center once said “Selfish is an ugly word but it can mean two different things. One connotation is that you’re unkind and inconsiderate of others. The other is that you take responsibility for getting your personal, emotional and physical needs met, and that’s an important part of becoming an adult.”

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Everybody is selfish in diverse ways and to varying levels/degrees – after all, we are self-centred in our daily pursuit of happiness. Epicurus wrote, “We must exercise ourselves in the things which bring happiness, since, if that be present, we have everything, and, if that be absent, all our actions are directed toward attaining it.”

Almost every action we take is to satisfy our needs and happiness. Everyone is dire pursuit of what he/she is greedy about – love, knowledge, sex, acceptance, money, success or any other activity/product that gives a sense of gratification.

Don’t misconstrue the point here, you can still be the best person you can possibly be and be selfish. Altruism – the act of being selfless for the wellbeing of others – can also be linked to selfishness. There are a lot of kind and generous people in this world but most of the effort people put in is for selfish purposes.

For instance, many believe people will like them more if they do everything others want. They yearn for love and acceptance to feel good about themselves (happiness) but instead, they become pawns controlled by others. Nathaniel Branden wrote in his article “Isn’t everyone selfish?” “No one ever really sacrifices himself. Since every purposeful action is motivated by some value or goal that the actor desires, one always acts selfishly, whether one knows it or not.”

Biologically, human evolution depicts that natural selection abhors selflessness and favours selfish behaviour. Human beings have a deep survival instinct – to fight for food and shelter or against adverse circumstances. These instincts may be the reason behind our selfishness.

People seldom praise others without selfish motives. They may sing your praises today because you are in power but will waste no time to disregard your achievements and magnify your flaws as soon as you lose that power.

It is all about survival. Happiness is a survival mechanism, a reward for our actions. As far as mankind chases happiness, it will always be a selfish world.

What do you think?

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Overthinking kills

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As humans, we think all the time, consciously and subconsciously. Thinking is a wonderful tool for education. It helps us generate information that can motivate and inspire us.

However, sometimes we get stuck worrying about something that happened or something that will happen. Some are constantly worrying about posting the perfect picture on social media, analyzing people’s statuses, spend much time thinking about to tweet or wondering why someone just unfollowed them on Instagram.

We all over-think in one way or another. Whether it is general worries about the future, self-worth, decisions or regrets, we are often overwhelmed by our own thoughts as we try to analyse our steps from every angle imaginable.

As we over-think, we become stuck in our heads; we fear being wrong. We become rooted in fear, doubt and uncertainty. The human mind abhors uncertainty.

Uncertainty implies danger so we try to take cover and protect ourselves. Over-thinking often comes with paranoia. Everything seems more dangerous than it actually is.

For instance, you have a crush on someone but you are afraid to make the move because you are uncertain of what his/her response would be. So you over-think approaching the person and making your feelings known and in the end, convince yourself it is best not to say anything.

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Also, when one is diagnosed with certain ailments or has certain symptoms, s/he over-thinks and believes the wall is closing in on him/her. One fears the uncertainty surrounding his/her future because of the sickness. As a result, over-thinking kills faster than the sickness itself.

When we over-think, we focus on what if instead of what is and this can have  a devastating effect on our health. We become engrossed in our own thoughts and emotions that we zone out and become numb to people, places, and things around us. We lose our identity; we forget who we are.

Knowledge is a wonderful tool but too much of it can make one over-think and paranoid. When faced with difficult decisions, we try to acquire information from our environment, friends and family. We generate many possible solutions to a particular problem that we succumb to over-thinking.

Over-thinking gets you nowhere. It can kill your happiness. If you are over-thinking an experience, limiting the number of people you talk with can help you think soundly. The best thing you can do if/when you over-think is take action and take a step forward.

Everybody is going to over-think and over-analyse once in a while but it is best to minimise these thoughts and make them productive.

Are you an over-thinker?

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Over-expectation, a recipe for disaster

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It is quite astonishing how sports are linked to our every day lives https://arturozinga.wordpress.com/2013/04/03/footballs-life-lessons-part-1/ https://arturozinga.wordpress.com/2013/04/07/footballs-life-lessons-part-2/ This past weekend, the best TV series, the English Premier League (EPL) returned to our TV screens for the 24th season. Prior to its premiere, there was a lot of fanfare worldwide. Every fan predicted how the season premiere would shape up.

Chelsea fans, brimming with confidence, were so keen for their team to kickstart the defence of their EPL crown whilst Arsenal fans, based on their team’s recent acquisition of World class goalkeeper Petr Cech and pre-season heroics, believe this season will finally be theirs. As a result, some predicted a 6-0 trashing for their teams against their first opponents Swansea City and West Ham United respectively. However, their expectations weren’t met and their teams were surprised by these less fancied teams.

Just like these football fans, how often do we over-expect and put so much emphasis on positivity? When do we come to know that we are expecting something impossible?

It is natural for one to have expectations; expectations play a huge role in our lives. We all have personal goals and visions; how our lives should be in 10-20 years from now, how our personal relationships should be, how our favourite sports team should play or how we should be rewarded for our efforts and thence expectations are synonymous with the word should.

In all honesty, when there’s love, there will be expectations. Whether it is love between a child and the parents, husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend or a fan and his/her favourite celebrity/sports club, there will always be expectations in any kind of love. In other words, we depend and expect so much from the others. Robert Greene wrote in his book, The 50th Law, “Dependency is a habit that is so easy to acquire…It is hard to resist. But once you give in, it is like a prison you enter that you cannot ever leave.”

Expectations have a huge effect on our emotions; they can make you happy as well as rob your happiness. We set the tone for disaster when we over-expect thereby creating toxic relationships and consequently, expectations kill love. Over-expectation is hard to define but it creates a perfect recipe for disaster.

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Everyone in the world is governed by self-interest. We expect people to follow our own rules and principles, and share our values, dreams and experiences. We tend to expect more from others in comparison to what we actually have to offer. There is a wide gap between our expectations and supply but many love to disregard this fact and focus on getting the best. For example, everyone has a list of features s/he expects his/her dream partner to possess but just a few actually work on themselves to be that perfect somebody we all desire.

Nonetheless, it is a fact that one cannot run away from expectations but it is important to set these expectations around reality. The reality of life is that none of us came into this world with a crystal ball so twists and turns are a natural part of life.

Realists are not scared to embrace the hard truths (twists and turns) of life; they weigh both positive and negative sides of everything life throws at them. The best option for one is to embrace reality and lower his/her expectations.

Thank you for making out time to read this article. If you have enjoyed it, please comment and share your views on this issue. Also, do like, share and follow the blog.