Blow Job & Cunnilingus

Last Friday was my friend, Krista’s 26th birthday. To celebrate the pyrrhic gift of life bestowed on her by God, she hosted a slumber party (this time boys were invited) at her apartment.

There was enough food, drinks, ice cream, cigarettes, weed and sex to go round. We danced, talked and played games – like spin the bottle, truth or dare and devil’s mail bag. It was definitely a memorable night.
The games were fun and interesting. A lot of questions were thrown to the floor and as expected, it all got dirty and erotic.

It was during the game of truth or dare; a question was thrown to the floor by one of the lads, Emeka. He asked “have you ever blown a guy? In fact do you give head?” Like play, like play, all the girls vehemently answered “NO”. I was flabbergasted and perplexed at the impetus at which they all responded in unionism.

Note at this juncture; the alcohol hadn’t undergone the first pass effect. For the non-medical ones, the first pass effect is the first stage of drug absorption via the oral route in which the concentration of a drug is greatly reduced before it gets to the systemic circulation and yes! Alcohol is a drug; an outrageous one for that matter and in its case, the first pass effect is grossly influenced by the speed of gastric emptying. Pardon my use of medical jargons.

The girls threw the questions back at us. Well, you know guys and self-overvaluation, the ones I knew hated the act of oral sex claimed to love it while the chronic cunnilingus masters lied about it.

Karma, they say, is a bitch; just make sure that bitch is beautiful. When the time for some sweating came, if you know what I mean, the girls were freely blowing the lads and the self-acclaimed cunnilingus experts were found wanting.

Then, I started wondering why some of us lie about the act of oral sex (blow job/cunnilingus)? Is it about ego? What about morals? Privacy nko? I couldn’t come up with a definite and concrete answer so I sought the opinion of sexologists. Unfortunately, they didn’t have much to say either but I was made to know it is not for everyone, and there’s nothing necessarily wrong with you if you don’t like to give or receive it.

Men and women have different views and needs regarding this and we are not going to change each other. Some guys lie at the slightest opportunity when asked by their peers if they go down on girls, na these kind guys dey wash their babes pant sef. Girls also lie to their peers and to that handsome dude they just met. I don’t know if it is because they don’t want to be tagged a weakling or give the idea that they are naughty or that they are just reluctant to admit and own up to their actions.

Why do we lie about oral sex?

Why (Just Curious)

Why does a poor man want what he can’t have?

Why isn’t there a cure for AIDS, cancer, diabetes et al?

Why do we always complain about those in power and yet we don’t come out to vote?

Why do “prayer warriors” directly or indirectly demand for money to pray for us?

Why can’t our President set his priorities right?

Why is Farouk Lawan still a free man?

Why do people pledge allegiance to those in power but flee & curse them when they relinquish power?

Why did the Anyene family board that Dana flight?

Why are we all afraid of the Boko Haram sect?

Why do people (especially girls) go gaga for expensive things?

Why do people (the elderly inclusive) lie because of money?

Why do people complain about those in power but when they get into the same office, they do worse than their predecessors?

Why can’t the Government pay workers well but loot money for their families and philandering acts?

Why was Dame Patience Jonathan appointed a permanent secretary in her state?

Why do men ‘kill’ themselves to make money just to please a woman?

Why do parents lie to their children about sex?

Why do we neglect the things of God?

Why do girls lie to each other?

Why do men love alcohol and women clothes & shoes?

Why do patients hate & fear nurses?

Why do we ‘hate’ people who don’t notice or talk to us?

Why do we ‘kill’ ourselves to belong?

Why are the lawyers paid more than the hospital workers in our country?

Why do doctors head Laboratory departments (in a hospital) in this country?

Why do patients get irritable?

Why is the nouveau riche always arrogant?

Why does a brother always lie about a sister that he can’t have?

Why do they say the beautiful ones are not yet born when they are everywhere?

Why do people easily forget the things you did for them and remember those you didn’t do?

Why do men lie & brag about the number of girls they’ve had?

Why do women lie about the number of men they’ve been with?

Why do we waste a lot of time writing out a list of New Year resolutions which we will never keep?

Why do we love social networking sites (facebook, twitter, tagged, flikster, yahoo, 2go, nairaland, morange, hi5, ebuddy, nimbuzz, badoo) so much?

Why do some of us need the approval of others before they can do anything?

Why do people expose all their secrets in bed?

Why do we expose our friends’ secrets to our lovers?

Why are Chelsea fans, touts; Arsenal fans, women and United fans, zealots?

Why don’t we ever tire of comparing Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo?

Why do people ‘hate’ you when you are successful?

Why do we rejoice when there’s a problem in another man’s relationship?

Why do people respect you when you don’t talk to them & take you for granted when you do?

Why can’t we have mad fun supporting our local teams?

Why does a guy/girl have to be the problem between two friends?

Why do we compare & want to be like Mr A when Mr A really wants to be like us?

Why are people so easily intimidated?

Why do we spend so much time facebooking, tweeting and reading a novel and less time reading the Bible?

Why do we get jaded when we spend only two hours worshipping God?

Why does music influence & affect us?

Why can’t a brother/sister tell you how big/low his/her pay check is?

Why do Pentecostal church goers dress & imitate their pastors?

Why do we only remember God when we are sick or heavy laden?

Why do most booze hounds smoke?

Why are you even alive?

Why are you forcing yourself to be hard?

Why do we take people for granted and try to take advantage of them when they are good to us?

Why do we call our lovers more than our families?

Why do we do things we can’t even do for our parents/siblings for our lovers?

Why do people look forward to the NYSC Orientation camp?

Why is the average Nigerian superstitious?

Why do our leaders rely solely on Oil as our export?

Why can’t we have a two-party system in Nigeria?

Why is Nigeria, a failed state?