2016: A Roller Coaster

Let me start off by apologising for my long hiatus. A lot has been happening that I couldn’t get myself to reflect and collate my thoughts together.

This year started off nicely; things weren’t rosy but I was supposedly on course towards reaching the dreams I envisioned for myself. Suddenly, just like Game of Thrones, there was a plot twist and 2016 ended up being a tough gloomy one and a real downer for me physically, mentally, financially, emotionally and otherwise. This made me question my capabilities and skills.

My itinerary this year also meant that I had to take a lot of trips round the country hence I was stressed out most of the time. I choked in desolation and succumbed to depression as a result, stoppped writing and eventually lost resigned from my job. I sought solace in solitude but this excerbated the situation. I knew I needed help but couldn’t talk about it because it took time for me to really accept that I was depressed. I am usually the strong one; the one people run to for help but here I was, wallowing in misery. 

Humans have different defense mechanisms against all the negatives life throws at us, however, once in a while these negatives infiltrate our system, engulf our thoughts and cause a huge shift in our emotions. According to psychologists, one in every four people will experience depression or anxiety sometime in their life. So I guess mine came pretty early.

Depression creeps into every aspect of your life.It affects how you feel, think and handle daily activities. I lost people who genuinely cared about me; appearing needy and pathetic to the opposite sex. I was constantly looking for a gateaway drug or someone to lean on to take my mind off the numerous problems I had. Depression makes you turn to self-medication via sleep, sad songs, sex, drugs, alcohol etc to try and numb the pain of depression. As a friend aptly said one time, “the price of beer is cheaper than the price of drugs for hypertension.” 

However, as I found out, these can only have a brief positive impact on your mood but compound the problem in the long term. My brother always says that every problem has an expiry date. Alcohol etc only end up prolonging the expiry dates of your problems. Eventually, I realised that the only way to bring this date closer was to face my fears and tackle my problems head on. 

Talking to a loved one or professional also helps. Owning up to your shit says a lot about your self-confidence so be bold enough to confide in someone you trust. Family and friends are always willing to offer support and love if/when you do. Opening up led me to a book that had the greatest effect on me – The No Complaining Rule: Positive Ways to Deal With Negativity by Jon Gordon.

It is hard to implement this rule but experience has shown me time after time that great things such as wisdom, opportunities and most importantly lessons about oneself are hidden in challenges. These lessons may end up being a springboard to something far greater than we ever imagined. Oscar Wilde once said, “behind every exquisite thing that existed, there was something tragic”  And he was right, my year is ending is on a very good note so I am excitedly looking forward to 2017 and what the future holds.

How did your year go? Did you experience tough moments? If yes, what lessons did you learn about yourself?

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Obsessive-compulsive disorder is an anxiety disorder that affects children and adolescents as well as adults in which people have unwanted and repeated thoughts, feelings, ideas, sensations (obsessions), or behaviours that make them feel driven to do something (compulsion).

These intrusive thoughts often produce uneasiness, apprehension, fear or worry; by repetitive behaviours aimed at reducing the associated anxiety; or by a combination of such obsessions and compulsions.

Often the person carries out the behaviours to get rid of the obsessive thoughts, but this only provides temporary relief. Not performing the obsessive rituals can cause great anxiety.

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is more common than was once thought. It affects both the young and the old – children, adolescents and adults.

There are several theories about the cause(s) of OCD, but none have been confirmed. Some reports have linked OCD to head injury and infections. Several studies have shown that there are brain abnormalities in patients with OCD. OCD has also been linked to above average intelligence because its sufferers often give high attention to detail, avoid risk, plan carefully, take time in making decisions and have a exaggerated sense of responsibility.

OCD has also been linked to Tourette syndrome due to the fact that about 20% of OCD patients have tics, however, this link is yet to be confirmed.

Obsessions and compulsions that are not due to medical illness or drug use, that cause major distress or interfere with everyday life have been pencilled down as the symptoms of OCD.

Some of these obsessions/compulsions include checking and rechecking actions (such as turning out the lights and locking the door), excessive counting, excessive fear of germs,the compulsion to repeatedly wash the hands to ward off infection.

Other symptoms of OCD include extreme hoarding; preoccupation with sexual, violent or religious thoughts; relationship-related obsessions; aversion to particular numbers; and nervous rituals, such as opening and closing a door a certain number of times before entering or leaving a room.

These symptoms can be alienating and time-consuming, and often cause severe emotional and financial distress.

The person usually recognizes that the behaviour is excessive or unreasonable and may become further distressed by this realization.

Your own description of the behaviour can help diagnose the disorder. A physical exam can rule out physical causes, and a psychiatric evaluation can rule out other mental disorders.

Questionnaires, such as the Yale-Brown Obsessive Compulsive Scale (YBOCS), can help diagnose OCD and track the progress of treatment.

OCD is treated using medications and therapy. The first medication usually considered is a type of anti-depressant called a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI). These drugs include: Citalopram (Celexa), Fluoxetine (Prozac), Fluvoxamine (Luvox), Paroxetine (Paxil), Sertraline (Zoloft)

If an SSRI does not work, the doctor may prescribe an older type of antidepressant called a tricyclic antidepressant. Clomipramine is a TCA, and is the oldest medication for OCD. It usually works better than SSRI antidepressants in treating the condition, but it can have unpleasant side effects, such as difficulty starting urination, drop in blood pressure when rising from a seated position, dry mouth, sleepiness.

In some cases, an SSRI and clomipramine may be combined. Other medications, such as low-dose atypical antipsychotics (including risperidone, quetiapine, olanzapine, or ziprasidone) have been shown to be helpful. Benzodiazepines may offer some relief from anxiety, but they are generally used only with the more reliable treatments.

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) has been shown to be the most effective type of psychotherapy for this disorder. The patient is exposed many times to a situation that triggers the obsessive thoughts, and learns gradually to tolerate the anxiety and resist the urge to perform the compulsion. Medication and CBT together are considered to be better than either treatment alone at reducing symptoms.

Psychotherapy can also be used to provide effective ways of reducing stress, reduce anxiety, resolve inner conflicts.

OCD is a long-term (chronic) illness with periods of severe symptoms followed by times of improvement. However, a completely symptom-free period is unusual. Most people improve with treatment.

Long-term complications of OCD have to do with the type of obsessions or compulsions. For example, constant handwashing can cause skin breakdown. However, OCD does not usually progress into another disease.

There is no known prevention for this disorder.

Blow Job & Cunnilingus

Last Friday was my friend, Krista’s 26th birthday. To celebrate the pyrrhic gift of life bestowed on her by God, she hosted a slumber party (this time boys were invited) at her apartment.

There was enough food, drinks, ice cream, cigarettes, weed and sex to go round. We danced, talked and played games – like spin the bottle, truth or dare and devil’s mail bag. It was definitely a memorable night.
The games were fun and interesting. A lot of questions were thrown to the floor and as expected, it all got dirty and erotic.

It was during the game of truth or dare; a question was thrown to the floor by one of the lads, Emeka. He asked “have you ever blown a guy? In fact do you give head?” Like play, like play, all the girls vehemently answered “NO”. I was flabbergasted and perplexed at the impetus at which they all responded in unionism.

Note at this juncture; the alcohol hadn’t undergone the first pass effect. For the non-medical ones, the first pass effect is the first stage of drug absorption via the oral route in which the concentration of a drug is greatly reduced before it gets to the systemic circulation and yes! Alcohol is a drug; an outrageous one for that matter and in its case, the first pass effect is grossly influenced by the speed of gastric emptying. Pardon my use of medical jargons.

The girls threw the questions back at us. Well, you know guys and self-overvaluation, the ones I knew hated the act of oral sex claimed to love it while the chronic cunnilingus masters lied about it.

Karma, they say, is a bitch; just make sure that bitch is beautiful. When the time for some sweating came, if you know what I mean, the girls were freely blowing the lads and the self-acclaimed cunnilingus experts were found wanting.

Then, I started wondering why some of us lie about the act of oral sex (blow job/cunnilingus)? Is it about ego? What about morals? Privacy nko? I couldn’t come up with a definite and concrete answer so I sought the opinion of sexologists. Unfortunately, they didn’t have much to say either but I was made to know it is not for everyone, and there’s nothing necessarily wrong with you if you don’t like to give or receive it.

Men and women have different views and needs regarding this and we are not going to change each other. Some guys lie at the slightest opportunity when asked by their peers if they go down on girls, na these kind guys dey wash their babes pant sef. Girls also lie to their peers and to that handsome dude they just met. I don’t know if it is because they don’t want to be tagged a weakling or give the idea that they are naughty or that they are just reluctant to admit and own up to their actions.

Why do we lie about oral sex?

Why (Just Curious)

Why does a poor man want what he can’t have?

Why isn’t there a cure for AIDS, cancer, diabetes et al?

Why do we always complain about those in power and yet we don’t come out to vote?

Why do “prayer warriors” directly or indirectly demand for money to pray for us?

Why can’t our President set his priorities right?

Why is Farouk Lawan still a free man?

Why do people pledge allegiance to those in power but flee & curse them when they relinquish power?

Why did the Anyene family board that Dana flight?

Why are we all afraid of the Boko Haram sect?

Why do people (especially girls) go gaga for expensive things?

Why do people (the elderly inclusive) lie because of money?

Why do people complain about those in power but when they get into the same office, they do worse than their predecessors?

Why can’t the Government pay workers well but loot money for their families and philandering acts?

Why was Dame Patience Jonathan appointed a permanent secretary in her state?

Why do men ‘kill’ themselves to make money just to please a woman?

Why do parents lie to their children about sex?

Why do we neglect the things of God?

Why do girls lie to each other?

Why do men love alcohol and women clothes & shoes?

Why do patients hate & fear nurses?

Why do we ‘hate’ people who don’t notice or talk to us?

Why do we ‘kill’ ourselves to belong?

Why are the lawyers paid more than the hospital workers in our country?

Why do doctors head Laboratory departments (in a hospital) in this country?

Why do patients get irritable?

Why is the nouveau riche always arrogant?

Why does a brother always lie about a sister that he can’t have?

Why do they say the beautiful ones are not yet born when they are everywhere?

Why do people easily forget the things you did for them and remember those you didn’t do?

Why do men lie & brag about the number of girls they’ve had?

Why do women lie about the number of men they’ve been with?

Why do we waste a lot of time writing out a list of New Year resolutions which we will never keep?

Why do we love social networking sites (facebook, twitter, tagged, flikster, yahoo, 2go, nairaland, morange, hi5, ebuddy, nimbuzz, badoo) so much?

Why do some of us need the approval of others before they can do anything?

Why do people expose all their secrets in bed?

Why do we expose our friends’ secrets to our lovers?

Why are Chelsea fans, touts; Arsenal fans, women and United fans, zealots?

Why don’t we ever tire of comparing Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo?

Why do people ‘hate’ you when you are successful?

Why do we rejoice when there’s a problem in another man’s relationship?

Why do people respect you when you don’t talk to them & take you for granted when you do?

Why can’t we have mad fun supporting our local teams?

Why does a guy/girl have to be the problem between two friends?

Why do we compare & want to be like Mr A when Mr A really wants to be like us?

Why are people so easily intimidated?

Why do we spend so much time facebooking, tweeting and reading a novel and less time reading the Bible?

Why do we get jaded when we spend only two hours worshipping God?

Why does music influence & affect us?

Why can’t a brother/sister tell you how big/low his/her pay check is?

Why do Pentecostal church goers dress & imitate their pastors?

Why do we only remember God when we are sick or heavy laden?

Why do most booze hounds smoke?

Why are you even alive?

Why are you forcing yourself to be hard?

Why do we take people for granted and try to take advantage of them when they are good to us?

Why do we call our lovers more than our families?

Why do we do things we can’t even do for our parents/siblings for our lovers?

Why do people look forward to the NYSC Orientation camp?

Why is the average Nigerian superstitious?

Why do our leaders rely solely on Oil as our export?

Why can’t we have a two-party system in Nigeria?

Why is Nigeria, a failed state?

 

 

Experience

Experience, they say, is the best teacher. The things we go through everyday influence the way we think and behave.

Sometimes, what you read or hear about people’s experiences isn’t enough; you need to have a first hand experience to grasp what the thing is all about.

That is why I don’t believe in success books, relationship books, motivational books and others. I see them as a bunch of hokum. I know some of you are already nodding or shaking your head in agreement or disagreement as the case may be.

Let me use the relationship (marriage) books for instance, these writers paint a picture based on the experiences they have had; a wise man once told me, you can’t write a book on marriage because our experiences differ and I couldn’t agree more.

Some people who write about the success of their relationships, are actually unhappy but paint a Cinderella picture to his or her readers who end up believing every relationship is like that. The fact remains that no relationship is guaranteed a smooth road and people must fight in a relationship. These fights are actually “the rate-limiting steps” that either strengthen the bond between friends/lovers or make them enemies for the rest of their lives.

However, our experiences can leave an indelible imprint in our head/mind, thus changing our perception about things and life in general. That’s why we do forgive but rarely forget. Our day-to-day experiences shape us and we try to re-adjust to ensure such scenario does or doesn’t repeat itself depending on how it tasted.

Let me use this illustration: certain anti-malarial drugs have been used in treatment and prevention of malaria but the plasmodium (causative organism of malaria) has been found to have developed a resistance to several anti-malarial drugs such as chloroquine, once the parasite gets used to the administered drug, it blocks and neutralizes the effect of the drug. The same applies to our day-to-day activities, a bad experience makes us hard-bitten and aids us create a resistance to hard things life throw at us.

That player or runs girl out there wasn’t always that way, he or she she has been a victim of betrayal of trust and heartbreak. Alas! They make up their minds never to fall in love again, breaking other innocent people’s hearts in the process and the cycle continues.

A friend of mine once told me how his friend took advantage of his nice nature and betrayed him. He had given the friend some money to help him purchase a car; only for the friend to abscond with the money.

Another man told me how he helped his family members and the only way they could repay him was to accuse him falsely to the point that he was ostracized by his village community. The man made a statement I’d never forget. He said “HELP IS A SIN”.

To these two aforementioned people, experience taught them a bitter lesson they would never forget, their perceptions about trust and help have also changed and nothing can be done or said to make them feel otherwise.

In the end, experiences are very important but can make us the finest or the worst of men.