Tag: Church

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Tags and Labels: A Social Barrier 

“Labels are for fillings. Labels are for clothings. Labels are not for people.” – Martina Navratilova 

Back in 1990s/early 2000s Nigeria, every parent wanted his/her child to go to a Unity School as they were the leading secondary educational institutions in the country. The name ‘Unity Schools’ was coined by the Federal Government of Nigeria, and comprised of a number of colleges spread across the nation, which were used to promote national unity via the admission of “intelligent” students from all parts of the country and all ethnic groups. Little wonder the motto of these schools is Pro Unitate.

I was opportune to attend a Unity School, Federal Government College Enugu (in Fedi lol), to be precise. It was an eye-opening experience. You have people from all walks of life, background, ethnicity, religion, culture all mixed up in one place.

Ironically, this was the first place I learnt about labels and tags, and the effects they could have on both “the tagger” and “the tagged.” It was a typical high school, with so many people forming cliques, which differentiated the cool from the uncool, the smart (nerds) from the dullards, the boarders (gnashites) from the day students (day goats), ‘guy men’ from the ‘Jew men’, the rich from the poor etc.

The first place I witnessed the effects of tags and labels

Last year, I met some folks I went to secondary school with and they all addressed me as a “bookworm.” One even told me, “I’m surprised you drink.”

I couldn’t help but laugh as that’s the worst way to describe me. Although I did well in school, I can’t remember ever sitting in front of the class nor count the number of times I was disciplined by the teacher because I was a perpetual noise maker. I seldom paid attention but I get it, I did well so the bookworm tag fits perfectly.

Similarly, we place tags and labels on others in our minds the moment we meet them, based on different parameters, and most times, we are wrong. To be fair, labels and tags are all around. We are all labelled and tagged by either sex, race, ethnicity, religion, anatomy/physique, sexuality, socio-economic status, music we listen to, sports we play/sports team we support, clothes we wear or the job we have. Sometimes we don’t mean to label and tag others but we can’t help it; it just happens.

I wonder if labelling will ever stop. It has been used as a means of discrimination for thousands of years. It is like clothing people with what you want them to be whilst covering their real identities. However, human beings are complex and multi-dimensional.


I was taken aback when some folks asked if I was gay and gothic because they heard me play and sing rock hits and songs made by openly gay music artistes like Frank Ocean and Sam Smith. Even though, research has shown that music tells you a lot about someone’s personality, it is disputable. So I’m really curious, why can’t a straight man gladly enjoy good music made by gay musicians? Does being gay suddenly make their good music bad? I listen to and enjoy different genres of music, as far as it is good music. And for the record, Ocean’s Lost remains one of my best songs ever.

The problem with labelling others is that it limits the perceptions of the “the tagger” and “the tagged” about life creating a tunnel vision of some sort. When we tag and label others, we are overtaken by unintentional and unconcealed prejudice hence losing our ability to think objectively. It leads to segregation and as a result, we miss out on a lot of good things in life. We miss out on friendships, interesting conversations, business deals, good music, marriage/relationships, food, travel experience, family (via adoption), life-changing experiences etc.

Naturally, people cling to things and people that they are used to but I find that boring. Is it possible to change your perception about life if you stick so religiously to what you are used to? During my masters degree in the UK, there was a huge divide between the British and foreign students – it was as obvious as the midnight stars. And it did affect the budding understanding, friendship and relationship between both groups.

Labelling is a lifetime trigger. Once we have an encounter with another person, we tend to hold on to that memory for so many years until proven otherwise. As a consequence, a bad experience with someone can make us hate an entire race, religion, tribe or sex hence forgetting that we can also have similar experience with people from our own comfort zone.

There is no problem in using your past experiences to shield yourself from future hurt. No problem at all. However, it becomes a problem when you use your personal experience/standards to ill-advise and judge others. I mean your personal standards could be mere opinions or blatant assertions, not facts.

This is evident in our relationships and marriages. I had thought that what really matters is finding someone who is good for you, in every meaning of the word, regardless of his/her religion, race or ethnicity. Oh boy! How wrong was I?

Inter-racial, inter-ethnic, intra-ethnic and/or inter-religious relationships/marriages are still a “taboo” to many people across the globe. To even make matters worse, amongst Christians in Nigeria, there is still animosity towards members who marry Christians from other denominations. And most of the time, this segregation is heavily influenced by the church, parents/family and/or friends.

A person’s race, religion, sexuality, socio-economic status, calories, sex, tribe, nationality or intelligence does not define him/her. That black people like dancing does not mean all black people know how to dance (I mean, I don’t!). That white people can’t pronounce black names does not mean there is no white person who can.

Let go of tags and labels, and see people for who they really are. People are not their hairs, skins or your expectations. They are souls that live within.

What do you think of tags and labels? And how have they limited your views about others? Please share your thoughts in the comment section.

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Why We Turn Out The Way We Are

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It is common practice in Africa for people to  blame parents and fault their parenting skills as reasons for the misdemeanors of their children. Children are believed to mirror the skills/values/principles/convictions instilled in them by their parents.

As a consequence, well behaved and successful kids owe their “success” to their parents. For example, someone allegedly claimed (on twitter) that a man was “overjoyed” by his nouveau wife’s virginity that he bought his mother-in-law a Range Rover Jeep for raising an explemary lady.

This made me to ask, why does the mother of the lady have to be the one to take the credit for her daughter’s virginity? Yes! She must have played a part but there are other factors worth considering – like the daughter herself and her immediate environment.

I sincerely believe the environment plays a major role in a child’s upbringing more than the parents and the individual in a ratio of 4:3:3. Using percentage, the environment takes up 40% of the effort that goes into a child’s upbringing whilst the parents’ and individual equally share the remaining 60%.

Think about it, throughout a child’s developmental period, s/he spends more time out there in school/church etc (environment) mixing up with friends, neighbours, teachers, peers, house helps and strangers. According to Elliott Bisnow, “You are a reflection of the twenty or thirty people who give you advice.”

Most kids are farmed out to boarding school between 8-12 years old which means the only time they really spend with their parents and families is the long holidays. And in most cases, parents are carried away with happiness/joy when they return for the holidays that they forget to keep a close eye on them during these periods. Instead, they pay attention to their physicality and most importantly, their grades/results. It would surprise you how a good result can cloud parents’ judgment of their child’s character.

One may argue that parents can afford to influence the child’s immediate environment hence their contribution soars to an unassailable 50%. However, no matter how good an environment may seem, it is complemented by the bad and the ugly, and in the end, the child is left with the unenviable task of choosing his or her own path. This is because children learn a great deal by direct teaching; they learn much more by watching others. The peer pressure on kids is enormous; they are confronted by drugs, alcohol, sex and foul language wherever they turn.

Another may argue that even the “little 30%” parents contribute is the fulcrum of the child’s developmental process because it is the foundation. After all, a solid foundation is the key to a well-built home. It is adjudged that a child’s social, emotional and cognitive development depend on family dynamics.  However, how often have we seen children with solid foundation from good homes turn out differently after much water has flowed under the bridge since those foundation days?

No matter one’s side in this argument, one thing is certain – parents, environment and the child play distinct roles in the development of an individual. Luck plays an integral part too. After all, luck and chance determine the family we are born into and thence our immediate environment.

What do you think? Please share your thoughts.

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The Church: Back To The Matter

My friend invited me to his church’s Carol of 9 lessons last Christmas. Although the 9readings bore me, I enjoyed all the Christmas melodies the choir sang.

One thing piqued my interest during the service, one of the readers, the 8th in particular -a rich woman, after reading the verses from her Bible on a lectern, announced to the congregation.

“From my own purse, I donate the sum of N100,000 to the choir” She said.

And there was delirium in the church. I was perplexed and immediately asked my friend, “why are people rejoicing?”

This isn’t a new scene in church nowadays. The church has lost her way, people go to churches these days to show off their affluence and opulence. What happened to giving in secret? It is written in the Bible, if you give to God for people to praise you, don’t expect any gift from God because you have been praised and exalted on earth.

The fact that pastors and Bishops allow this act to go on in the church baffles me. I mean, they have great knowledge of the WORD and know it is wrong in all ramifications.

The church is the only place where the poor and the rich are supposed to be equal even if it is for 30minutes but the case is different nowadays, pastors recognise the presence of “top shots” during mass. What is that?????

Pastors are supposed to be the voice of people and the bridge between the Government and the people but now they lick the asses of those in power in order to get a substantial donation from them. They can’t even stand on the pulpit and tell them their sins to their faces anymore rather when they climb up there, they lie and brain-wash their congregation with “prosperity messages”.

Some pastors own private jets, off from the donations and offerings of their poor congregation and they claim the jets are for evangelical work. I pray oh!!!!

In the past, the church clothed, fed and trained children from poor backgrounds in schools. Today, there are so many religious affiliated secondary and tertiary schools which the poor ones/members can’t even afford to send their kids to.

The church has become a money-making venture. We have more motivational speakers than pastors these days. All you need to be is a good orator(good command of the lingua franca/good with words) and have an in-depth knowledge of the Bible and you are ready to start off your own ministry.

The other day, I met a man of God and he said to me..”God told me to tell you, you are destined for greatness but people are after you. I’m going to pray for you and after that, ‘anything’ you feel is good, you donate to my ministry.” Emphasis on anything. A lot of pastors go around scamming people all in the name of God.

Our insatiable thirst for miracles has made us easy preys for these ‘predators’. Some christians go from church to church in search of miracles, signs and wonders.

During sermon, some pastors will tell you how they prayed for one sister/brother and his/her life turned around for good and I often ask, isn’t that blowing your own horn? Is it necessary?

As we celebrate this easter period, let’s have a sober reflection of what Jesus Christ did for us on the cross of Calvary, how he suffered death and was buried so that we may have life.

Christ is the reason for the season,let us celebrate his death and resurrection and most importantly, live a Christ-like life.

May God help us all. Amen.

Happy Easter good people of God

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Partial Repentance

“So mi sit down right beside sister Pam
Who ah tell me everything about the congregation
‘Bout Sister Paulette and her gay husband
And how she ah still ah sleep with the mini bus man

Sister Gwen claim she ah Christian
But ah last night dem catch her in ah stone love session
She a do the dutty dance to de Matterhorn song
And say she get de thing them from the baby cham”

Whenever I listen to Shaggy’s Church Heathen track, I can’t help but nod my head in agreement as I believe the singer portrayed everything that is wrong with the church today.

Have you noticed how we deviate from our evil ways when we are troubled and in dire need of God’s intervention in our lives? Yes, that’s what conditional/partial repentance is all about.

Partial repentance means partial escape from sin. It occurs when a person honestly repents for certain things in his/her life that he/she has done wrong, but not for everything. He/she doesn’t see it all. He/she only sees a part of the sin, so he/she is repentant only for the part he/she sees.

Conditional repentance is when an individual repents conditionally/partially because he or she is asking God a favour.

I believe christians are guilty of this, one way or the other. One minute, we are so “spiritual” because we are heavy laden but the moment the loads are taken off our chest by God, we return to our old ways.

That’s a common thing amongst us. I believe everybody is/has been a conditional repentant at one stage in his/her life. We run to God in times of trouble and turn our backs on him when HE delivers us from our troubles.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a saint, I’m just saying it the way it is and I feel it is better we repent completely with a pure heart, not just when we need something from our creator.

Repentance is the most noble and beloved form of obedience in the eyes of God. He loves those who repent and it is because of His love for His creation that He tests them with sins so that He may shower His blessings and favours upon them after they repent.

Repentance is to repent from the heart,to train the heart into obedience and to make a firm resolution never to commit the sin again.

Repentance brings about humility and a sense of helplessness that is not easily acquired through other forms of worship.

Let me leave you with this piece of advice,if you take this too seriously, then you really need some church.

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Gossip: We All Do That Shit

Gossip is so tasty – how we love to swallow it –Proverbs 18vs 8

Gossip is an ancient means of conveying and sharing facts, views and slur. It is described as the casual conversation or unseen reports about people; the idle rumour talk about private or personal affairs of others.

People have diverse views about gossip. Eleanor Roosevelt said “Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people” while Mercedes Lackey said “It’s only gossip if you repeat it until then its gathering information.”

Some perceive it as a free-minded way of disseminating information while others see it as a sin (Biblically, it is placed on par with sexual immorality and murder), hurtful and character defamation. The truth is that we all gossip; one way or the other. We gossip in church, school, at work place, market, mall, social gatherings, home…in fact everywhere. Pretending that none of us is a gossip is a farce.

After all, nobody is perfect and everyone has a flaw to gossip about. For instance, you hear an interesting story/rumour and you find it very hard to digest it alone, so you tell Mr A, if only he swears not to disclose what you’ve told him. Iya! Before you say Jack Robinson, your story has spread round the school, church, work place, etc and the world in general (no thanks to the internet).

Nowadays, gossip sells like sex and it spreads like wild fire. The E! Channel is one TV Station, that is dedicated to gossips and fabulous life of the rich and famous and we are aware of their success. Most magazines and newspapers now have columns for gossip because it surely catches the attention of the readers.

I am of the school of thought that people who gossip ‘A LOT’ are those with low self esteem who desire to fit in at all cost. Some people, especially the ladies, can’t converse with you for 10minutes without gossiping.

Traditionally, women get a lot of criticism for gossiping or should I say gisting as they call it. A male who gossips is a girl’s best friend/companion.

A feminist definition of gossip presents it as “a way of talking between women, intimate in style, personal and domestic in scope and settling, a female cultural event which springs from and perpetuates the restrictions of the female role but also gives the comfort or validation.” (Jones, 1990)

Men and women gossip but there’s a huge gap in the way both sexes gossip. Men talk about cars, sports, alcohol, women, money, weed etc so it endears them to each other, while the female folk whimper and whisper about physical appearance and relationships.

The general rule for gossip is to mind your own business. You don’t want a nosy parker prying in your affairs, so you owe it to them to show them the same amount of respect.

This said, next time you come across some spicy and tasty news, you can use your “fork ear” to sieve the ones you want to assimilate or you can use your “spoon ear” and swallow the news with all the impurities but remember shut your buccal cavity and observe how proceedings unwrap.