Heart Doesn’t Break Even

Music is my life, everything about me revolves around music. It is everything to me; it inspires me, calms my nerves and soothes my sorrows – not necessarily but it helps me deal with my fears.

A day without music makes me itch like a crack-addict who is deprived of a sniff. Music is to me what sex is to a prostitute.

I listen to music everywhere while working, driving, walking, studying, prior to a football match; in fact music takes me to another world and aids me perform at an optimum level.

My best genre of music has to be Rock – Soft Rock to be precise. Here in Nigeria, people see Rock songs and its artistes as devil incarnates/worshippers and weirdos but these weirdos thrill and provoke my thoughts each time I listen to them with their unrivalled choice of words. I implore you all to listen to bands like Coldplay, One Republic, Hinder, NickelBack, The Script, Keane, Avril Lavigne and pay attention to the lyrics of their songs – believe me, there’s a message in between the lines of all the songs for you. Thank me later.

Anyways, let’s get down to the crux of the matter. Yesterday, as I laid down my head on my bed to retire, I sought the help of my music library to take me to El Dorado. That’s when a song (Break Even) by The Script came on and I fell into a trance.

Read carefully the lyrics of this song.

“I’m still alive but I’m barely breathing
Just prayin’ to a god that I don’t believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don’t break even

Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that’s gonna put her first
While I’m wide awake she’s no trouble sleeping
Cos when a heart breaks no it don’t breakeven… even… no

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you,
And what am I supposed to say when I’m all choked up that you’re ok
I’m falling to pieces, yeah, (One still in love while the other ones leaving)
I’m falling to pieces (Cos when a heart breaks no it don’t breakeven)

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
Cos she’s moved on while I’m still grieving
And when a heart breaks no it don’t breakeven even… no

Oh you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I’m try’na make sense of what little remains ooh
Cos you left me with no love and no love to my name.”

Truly, it is never a two-way thing when lovers break up, it’s always one sided. One side hurts and grieves while the other moves on. When a heart breaks, it doesn’t break even.

Thank God It’s Friday…

FriendZone…We All Hate That Shit

My buddy, Max and this girl, Nkechi have been platonic friends for some years now. They met at Max’s elder brother’s wedding. Max was bewitched by Nkechi’s beauty and endowments. As a fast guy, he made the move and got to know her. They exchanged numbers and BB pins. They fixed a date two weeks after wedding and that’s where things went awry for my friend.

Max wanted a relationship with Nkechi but she didn’t want the same, she just wanted a friend to talk to and lean on when she’s troubled. Due to the fact that he really liked her, he didn’t mind just being the guy she pings or calls when she’s bored because he wanted to be close to her at all cost with the hope that one day things will go his way. Poor Max, if only he knew he’s been friend zoned.

The term “friend zone” was popularized by a 1994 episode of the television sitcom Friends, where the character Ross (played by David Schwimmer), who was lovesick for Rachel (played by Jennifer Anniston), was labeled “mayor of the Friend Zone”.

Friend zone is when a member of the opposite sex (usually one you want to hook up with) declares you to be “just a friend”, thereby ruining all potential chances of sex. Friend zone is basically a preemptive rejection where people get too comfortable with someone and see them as only a special conversation/sharing info partner ‘a friend’ and unconsciously reject the person as a sexual opportunity and would be shocked and appalled if that was brought up.

When a guy agrees to be friends, he’s forced to stifle his attraction while regularly seeing and talking to the woman he’s attracted to. She discusses her love life and has the audacity to ask his advice on it. He performs occasional “manly” household and automotive favours for the women. Essentially, he does everything a boyfriend would do – without the benefits. Friend zone means holding her shit while she shops for underwear you will never see her in.

The act of Friend-zoning is mastered by the ladies. Girls friend-zone their suitors due to so many reasons such as: Insufficient attraction to the man, misinterpretation of nonverbal cues from the man signaling his interest in deepening the relationship, and there is sexual repulsion (but not enough to block a friendship) but when given a taste of their own medicine, you’d see them whining and complaining. E.g. I’ve tried everything for Alex to like me, it’s not working. It’s as if he doesn’t know I exist. He doesn’t even touch me; I want him to make me feel like a woman.

In my opinion, it is very easy for a guy to like and date a girl out of pity (for all she’s done for him) and persistence but very hard for a girl to return the favour. If you are a guy dating a girl you have wooed for years, she could be dating you because you are opulent or there’s no one else in her life at that moment and she’s ‘managing’ you for the mean time until a ‘better’ dude comes along. After all, nobody wants to be lonely and we all love it when somebody loves and cares for us.

A lot of people are currently in the friend zone without even realising it. Once the friend zone is established, it is said to be difficult to move beyond that point in a relationship. There is general agreement that once a man is in the friend zone, it is difficult to get out. A platonic relationship has formed without sex and can continue indefinitely.

Despite the pitfalls of friend zones, some have argued that a man can benefit from actively cultivating a friend zone once an interaction or relationship with a potential partner has entered one. The theory here is that the friend zone may evolve into something more, particularly if the man establishes an air of trustworthiness and intimacy that his partner finds attractive and has never shared with previous romantic partners.

The Ex Effect: Sex With My Ex

A fortnight ago, I ran into my Ex, Chinelo and her bestie, Nkeoma at the movies. I had gone to watch Total Recall, the new blockbuster starring the multi-talented Colin Farrell but I was told it was yet to hit the cinema so I had to settle for ‘Think like a Man’ for the umpteenth time, I never get tired of seeing that movie though.

Chinelo and I broke up almost two years ago because the fights were getting worse. When a woman is fed up in a relationship, you’d know. She starts bringing up old dirt and gets agitated at the slightest provocation so I used my sagacity and annulled the relationship amicably for both parties to be happy. Although we became friends, we hadn’t seen or talked to each other for 18months.

She looked like a bag of money: sassy, beautiful and enchanting. Chinelo has always been a nymphet; she is worth more than a second look. At a glance, I was bewildered by her pliant lips and curvaceous body. It brought to mind all the good times we had – the mind blowing sex, the incredible adventures and the crazy games we played.

We watched the movie together – though we talked throughout the length of the movie. At the end of the day, we exchanged numbers, twitter handles, BB pins and other relevant information and set up a date in the near future – that’s where all the temptation started!

We hooked up again last Friday, had a drink or two and went back to my place for some sexual eruptions. We couldn’t resist each other; to make it worse, the sex was better than before; it was as if we were never apart. After the first round, my iTunes randomly selected Lil Bit’s joint with Yung Joc and Jim Jones “Sex with my Ex” from my music library. A line in the song goes this way “…can’t believe I’m having sex with my ex” and post coital tristesse set in, we vowed never to do such again but after some minutes, we were at it again.

We wanted each other so bad but there was an obstacle – we had new relationships so in order to save our present relationships, we had to stay away from each other.

Often times, I hear people blabbering about their Ex and it makes me laugh all time. It’s a very common scene on twitter, people diss their Ex every 10minutes on that social network. Some of these people may have gone back to their Ex for sex, care or help at least once in the past but here they are, raking over coals and cursing them on twitter. Anyways, Nigerians are known for their hypocritical ways.

I keep asking myself why we repeatedly feel affection when we see our Ex. This iteration is still mystical to me. I don’t get it, if we still feel something for each other, why then did we separate in the first place? I must say it takes courage, self control and GOD for one to resist the sexual advances of an Ex.

There’s an old Chinese proverb that says: “Insanity is doing the same thing in the same way & expecting a different outcome.” Some often get bemused after these happenchance with their Ex and find themselves craving to go back to them. The fact remains just because you had awesome sex with him/her doesn’t mean when you leave your present partner, that things will be all cosy as you want/expect/dream. Returning to an old flame is like reading a book over and over again expecting a different twist in the end. Things will never be the same again.

Women Lie, Men Lie

The topic of trust is an important factor in all matters of the heart. Men lie to women: women lie to men and most people think lying is necessary to avoid petty arguments and grease the wheels of a relationship.

The main victims of our deception are those close to us, with both men and women most likely to lie to each other.  We may think we are sparing them from the truth but most of the lies are actually about self defence or trying to change the way people think about us.

It is a basic condition of human nature that everybody lies. The only variation is what we gain in strength, courage and confidence about each experience.

Raise your hand if you have ever said something along the line of “Nothing is wrong, I’m fine” and not meant a word of it. Do we all have our hands raised? I thought as much.

Research has shown that men lie 650times a year and women, 537 times. The truth is that we all lie about the same frequency but for different reasons.

Men lie to make themselves look better in the eyes of others while women tend to spare feelings and make other people look better. Some men lie to make themselves seem more impressive when approaching women. They see the dating game as a competition and think they have to out-do their rivals. So they self-aggrandize.

Some men go on and lie about wanting a long intimate relationship. They assume women want this, and only by hinting at a relationship, their desire for love, sex and companionship is achieved. They tend to find themselves trapped in a relationship they didn’t want pretending to be someone they are not. So they lie to get space from the partner or they lie and cheat on their partner; and finally, they lie to escape.

Women on the other hand are likely to be more economical when they meet a new man, they lie to under report the number of sexual partners they have had, lie about their age to appear younger or older and also lie to their friends about how rosy their relationship is.

Parents aren’t left out in this game of deceit. They lie to their children especially when it comes to the topic of education. I’m yet to see a parent who wasn’t the best student in his/her class, they all claim to be Albert Einstein in their days. If everybody dey come first, who come dey take from second to the last positions for the kind class?

In the end, I believe we all lie but the lies are told because of ego; to save face when we feel interrogated by friends and family.

Love

 

Valentine’s Day (Lovers’ day) is a day set aside all over the world to celebrate the gift of love.

For me, Valentine’s Day is just another day on the calendar. You don’t have to wait till it’s valentine to show love. This brings me to the question, what is love? Love is the feeling of tender & passionate affection for another person.

From infancy to adulthood, we have had strong but transient romantic attraction for the opposite sex starting from our teachers to our fellow classmates. We often refer to these individuals as mere crush & that is what I feel love is. People have labelled me a love critic because I often say love is overrated. Don’t get it twisted, love is a beautiful thing but these are my reasons for saying love is overrated:

We as Christians are implored everyday to love our neighbours as ourselves, yet most of us are self centred & care less about others. I believe if you don’t care about your neighbours, you can’t fall in love.

Love is patient & kind: Most people nowadays are impatient & I don’t blame them. Recently, there’s this girl I was so patient with, took all her bullshit, in the end, I was “lovelorn”. People always feel superior to you when you stoop so low to take their bullshit rather they brag in front of their folks saying “that guy/girl is head over heels for me”.

Love is not jealous, boastful or proud: Our people normally say “otu onye anaghi alu nwanyi” which means a woman is married by many not just one man alone. Jealousy/over protection is one of the reasons why people break up, a friend once accused me of trying to snatch his girlfriend from him. The guy is so jealous that any chat with his girl means you are trying to woo her. That you are dating a guy/girl doesn’t mean you are supposed to be monitoring his/her every move or glued to each other. In the end, you will get tired of each other & the rest is history.

Love does not demand on its own way: Demand is another inglorious chapter of a relationship. Nobody wants a demanding/nagging fellow as a partner. In the book of proverbs of the Holy Bible, a verse says “A leech has two daughters, both named give me.” Girls are of the idea that once they are dating, it is the responsibility of the guy to take care of her needs. Don’t get me wrong, you can do anything for the one you love but the person mustn’t demand or nag for it. I know a student who gives his nagging girlfriend a monthly allowance of 5,000 from his own monthly allowance of 15,000 & he tells me, its love. “It is better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a nagging/quarrelsome wife”

Love is not irritable & it keeps no record of when it has been wronged: Misunderstandings are acid tests of a relationship, they are inevitable. They help build a “covalent” bond between couples. People often claim to be in love but when a problem ensues, you often see the guy/girl saying all sorts of ‘unbelievable’ things about their boo & this makes me irascible. When the going was good & smooth, you didn’t see all these faults but because the end is lurking, you’d tell your story to every ear that is willing to listen. The truth is that we all have flaws & it is our ability to stay together despite our respective flaws that makes us say we are in love.

Love never gives up & endures every circumstance: People love due to so many reasons such as beauty, affluence, talent, intelligence, voice, height, size, dressing as the case may be but the one million pound question remains “would you still love him/her if all these change?” Abraham Lincoln once said “Everything is in a process of change, nothing endures, and we do not seek permanence.”  Let me paint a picture, assuming you are dating your dream girl/guy & one day he or she has an accident & loses a limb or any part of his/her body, would you still love him/her? If your answer is yes, then you are in love but if you answered no, you are definitely not in love.

Love is faithful: King Solomon said it all in Proverbs 20 verse 6 “Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find?”  Wise words from a decent man.

Love grows: Loving the opposite sex is like loving a song; the more you hear the song, the faster you learn the lyrics & fall in love with the song. The more we stay with each other, the more we cultivate love towards ourselves. For instance, from primary school to tertiary institution, I’ve found out that there must be somebody in my class that makes me trip…This is because I see & stay with the person everyday but this ‘love’ usually fades away once I move to the next class. During the time of our fathers, most of our parents didn’t know each other from Adam yet they are living in peace & harmony.

Love signs: The butterfly thingy, touching of hair & other things that have been attributed to love are all fallacy. If you doubt me, check this out…They often say butterflies in the stomach is normal when you are thinking or speaking to the “one” but this feeling is normal because we do get cold feet once in a while. I don’t believe anybody is the one and this feeling occurs almost every day when we’re nervous or eagerly anticipating something or somebody.

Love is the advanced form of infatuation: Infatuation is the act of being foolishly or irrationally in love. The above statement is so true because people do stupid & foolish things when they are in love…If you have never been foolish before, then you know not what love is.

Love doesn’t pretend: Pretence is an act of giving appearance of truth or reality to that which is false or imaginary. People especially girls get in on the act…Ah!!! Who dey broda?!!! They show false “good girl” behaviour at the conception of the relationship but when the chips are down, they show their true colours. Guys also pretend to be rich, gentle and nice, anything for the cookie. My advice, never judge a book by its cover because looks can be deceptive.

Love doesn’t listen to gossips: A line from the song “so what” by Field Mob featuring Ciara keeps going through my head. “They said that I’m this, they said that I’m that…” We often listen to our friends when they tell us things about our partners. Some of these friends of ours may have ulterior motives behind their ‘kind’ gesture. A girl’s worst enemy is her friend. A wise man once told me a story of how the best friend of his fiancée lied to him, the friend had told him that his fiancée had epilepsy so he ended his relationship with the girl and married the friend instead only for him to find out years later that the girl lied.

Love doesn’t compare: my female folks are the culprits here. Here is a dialogue between two friends:

Lisa: What did Mark buy for you on Valentine’s Day?

Jane: Mark, my knight in shining armour, bought me a new phone (Blackberry bold 5), took me to Marina Resort where we rode the speed bike and speedboat after which we retired to a romantic dinner for two at our hotel. It was so romantic. You nko, how your own dey?

Lisa: Emeka that stingy fellow, he just bought me a card, flower and a necklace…Jane your own better oh!

Girls/women often compare their boyfriends/husbands and this makes me laugh all the time. They forget that all fingers are not equal and even brothers from the same womb have different destinies. Andy Murray of Scotland said after losing to Roger Federer in the Australian tennis (grand slam) open final, “I can cry like Roger, it’s a shame I can’t play like him“. If you really love your man, quit comparing and be contented with what you have alright?

Love is a bird; she needs to fly so enjoy it while it lasts.