Human sexuality has always been an interesting part of our existence. A person’s sexual orientation, which is heavily influenced by social norms and status quo, has an ample effect on their sexual interest/attraction for another person.
In recent times, it has become a norm to hear young Nigerian men and women declare their sexuality as sapiosexual – being attracted to or sexually aroused by intelligence and its use. However, when critically analysed, are we really sapiosexual?
According to a friend, most Nigerian men aren’t sapiosexual; they feel intimidated by smart women. This echoes the recent findings of researchers at the University of Buffalo, California Lutheran University, and the University of Texas at Austin which showed that men are sapiosexual in theory and usually lose interest in smart women after encountering them.
Interestingly, there is an iorta of truth in both opinions. I do like smart women, however, there’s much more going on than merely a meeting of the minds.
Naturally, intelligence often comes with a certain amount of arrogance, pride, autocracy and being opinionated. In this clime, some smart women exhibit sheer arrogance and a dire need to be an authority in the relationship. And this is what often scares Nigerian men away not the lady’s smartness.
Masculinity often comes with a big ego as well as social and hierarchial dominance. As a consequence, anything that puts men in danger of having their ego bruised or losing their territory makes them scamper and run for the hills.
This doesn’t mean that the man is weak or intimidated by a smart woman – even though in most cases it appears so. In dating, we are being evaluated on far more than our most attractive traits. And as aforementioned, there seems to be a strong correlation between our attractive traits and some unattractive traits.
For example, it is still an enigma why women turn down nice guys. American singer, Mary J Blige said in her song, Mr Wrong “Good guys ain’t no fun.” A female friend went further to succinctly explain it. She said good guys have a certain mentality – things should be easy for me because I’m good mentality. The same applies to smart women. Smart women have a similar type of mentality – I am a strong woman who is not scared of sharing my opinion. If you can’t handle this strong woman, you are weak.
Men do value intelligence as much as women value nice guys. Women want nice guys who exude masculine energy and scoof at the constant need for others’ approval whilst men do want an intelligent woman who gives them warmth, affection and peace of mind thus making their lives easier and more pleasant.
Human relationships require social and emotional intelligence, which are based on viewing people through the lens of their own social and emotional needs. Nevertheless, many people focus their attention inward instead of outward. As a result, they find it hard and painful to acknowledge that their strong traits are often accompanied by significant downsides. If you are smart, opinionated and domineering, don’t be surprised if some of your actions turn people off.
P.S. these things go both ways. Some ladies are too awed by a smart man’s intellect and demeanour that they lose interest. They want someone who completes them and sometimes a smart person lacks the qualities they seek in a partner.
Random Thoughts Of A Nigerian Youth 
Oh well…A smart woman is always fun.
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No doubt..a smart woman is always fun as long as she works on the unattractive traits that accompany intelligence.
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Your comparison tho…
A smart woman doesn’t expect you to hand things out to her. She loves intellectual banter and loves to “word wrestle”, loves a mate that can meet that squarely. A nice guy on the other hand is always looking for handouts and most of the time has a hidden agenda. They want you to be nice and succumb to their needs because they are “nice” it’s just like expecting a lion not to eat you because you’re vegan – this is a very disturbing mindset. In my opinion, 60% of good guys these days are sociopaths cause they imitate genuine emotions with the goal of receiving some kind of reward.
A “bad” guy on the other hand is unapologetically himself this is why women tend to fall for them easily cause we like real and not “covered” up. We like all the filth out there on the surface where everyone can see.
In all, emotional intelligence is major key.
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Thank you for your sound, interesting view. Lol you actually linked nice guys to sociopaths. But don’t you think the same way nice guys want you to be nice because they are nice is the same way smart ladies expect you to be witty so you can challenge them in intellectual banter and word wrestling?
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One is less harmful than the other. A nice lady wants you to put your intellectual capacity to use, that’s fairly positive.
A “nice guy” wants to get you to be nice, get what he wants and then he is gone.
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One can also argue that nice guys wanting you to be nice is also harmless and fairly positive. There’s no guarantee putting your intellectual capacity to use will keep a smart woman after all people always leave.
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Lol who hurt you?
One thing I have noticed is smart men are actually the autocratic ones. Unlike smart women who just want good banter, smart men want to rule over you and prove your stupidity.
Yes, intelligent women may appear forceful sometimes but it is not in an attempt to demoralise you. We are just buffering ourselves in a hostile environment. If we were not confident and proud of our abilities, we would be overlooked and are talents would be wasted.
As for nice men, I am yet to meet one that isn’t in search of an easy prey.
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Lol I am not hurt. Like I said these things go both ways. Our attractive and unattractive traits are like yin yang; they are in context of each other. So one has to be careful not to take an attractive trait to the extreme. As for nice guys, everybody is selfish so I’m not surprised that they want something for their ‘niceness’.
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Hii just followed your blog. Pls check mine out and do likewise
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Oh thank you for following my blog. I just returned the favour.
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I don’t think there is anything wrong with showing your intellectual capability, but its very nice to do it in a way to carry who you are talking to along (male or female). You be a guru when talking about finance but I’m also a capable wizard when talking about technology, it come down to area of interest and how comfortable you are in the conversation.
About good or bad guy, ladies just believe that sombody wants something when talking to them and they set up this badass firewall even before he is done saying hi. Maybe he actually is, but what kind of intelligent person is not open to meeting other minds..
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That’s a nice way to put it. In Igbo, we say “Ka ima nke a, ima nke ozo?” No one knows everything and it all goes down to area of interest. About your question, I wonder the same LOL. Everyone wants to be in the company of those he/she shares a common interest with.
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