FriendZone…We All Hate That Shit

My buddy, Max and this girl, Nkechi have been platonic friends for some years now. They met at Max’s elder brother’s wedding. Max was bewitched by Nkechi’s beauty and endowments. As a fast guy, he made the move and got to know her. They exchanged numbers and BB pins. They fixed a date two weeks after wedding and that’s where things went awry for my friend.

Max wanted a relationship with Nkechi but she didn’t want the same, she just wanted a friend to talk to and lean on when she’s troubled. Due to the fact that he really liked her, he didn’t mind just being the guy she pings or calls when she’s bored because he wanted to be close to her at all cost with the hope that one day things will go his way. Poor Max, if only he knew he’s been friend zoned.

The term “friend zone” was popularized by a 1994 episode of the television sitcom Friends, where the character Ross (played by David Schwimmer), who was lovesick for Rachel (played by Jennifer Anniston), was labeled “mayor of the Friend Zone”.

Friend zone is when a member of the opposite sex (usually one you want to hook up with) declares you to be “just a friend”, thereby ruining all potential chances of sex. Friend zone is basically a preemptive rejection where people get too comfortable with someone and see them as only a special conversation/sharing info partner ‘a friend’ and unconsciously reject the person as a sexual opportunity and would be shocked and appalled if that was brought up.

When a guy agrees to be friends, he’s forced to stifle his attraction while regularly seeing and talking to the woman he’s attracted to. She discusses her love life and has the audacity to ask his advice on it. He performs occasional “manly” household and automotive favours for the women. Essentially, he does everything a boyfriend would do – without the benefits. Friend zone means holding her shit while she shops for underwear you will never see her in.

The act of Friend-zoning is mastered by the ladies. Girls friend-zone their suitors due to so many reasons such as: Insufficient attraction to the man, misinterpretation of nonverbal cues from the man signaling his interest in deepening the relationship, and there is sexual repulsion (but not enough to block a friendship) but when given a taste of their own medicine, you’d see them whining and complaining. E.g. I’ve tried everything for Alex to like me, it’s not working. It’s as if he doesn’t know I exist. He doesn’t even touch me; I want him to make me feel like a woman.

In my opinion, it is very easy for a guy to like and date a girl out of pity (for all she’s done for him) and persistence but very hard for a girl to return the favour. If you are a guy dating a girl you have wooed for years, she could be dating you because you are opulent or there’s no one else in her life at that moment and she’s ‘managing’ you for the mean time until a ‘better’ dude comes along. After all, nobody wants to be lonely and we all love it when somebody loves and cares for us.

A lot of people are currently in the friend zone without even realising it. Once the friend zone is established, it is said to be difficult to move beyond that point in a relationship. There is general agreement that once a man is in the friend zone, it is difficult to get out. A platonic relationship has formed without sex and can continue indefinitely.

Despite the pitfalls of friend zones, some have argued that a man can benefit from actively cultivating a friend zone once an interaction or relationship with a potential partner has entered one. The theory here is that the friend zone may evolve into something more, particularly if the man establishes an air of trustworthiness and intimacy that his partner finds attractive and has never shared with previous romantic partners.

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17 Replies to “FriendZone…We All Hate That Shit”

  1. Lmao!!!!soooo true.I concur to d lines dat””a guy could date a girl out of pity but for girls,,not to sure abt dat..but d question is”y wld a guy love u and come to u as a frnd instead of making his intentions known??

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    1. Nice question, Ifesi. Basically, we boys aren’t raised well. Yeah. We are raised to treat girls like ‘princesses’ (when they are not; no be crase?), to be careful with them, to feel ashamed and guilty about wanting what we want, to believe that sex is bad. Arinze is doing well to help us out.

      Girls are raised with much deadlier crap! I wonder who is helping them with theirs? Lol…

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  2. #Truword….it actually happened 2 me once, i must say its not a gud zone 2 be in nd 2 top it all u feel u will betray d gurl by tellin ha u still feel sumn 4 her….buh my advice is if u truly like her despite everytin still go ahead nd mske ur intentions known cos it’ll help u…u can neva kno if she has started developin some feelins 4 u too….

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    1. In my opinion, when people of opposite sex are friends, tis neva equal. One of the two must like/love more than the other person and want more than friendship. So if you are a guy and you don’t feel that way about that your close pal who is a girl, then she likes you more than you like her. And vice versa!

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      1. How does a guy even set out pursuing active friendship with a girl? You go just dey call am for nothing, or “just to say Hi” or “to know how you’re doing” or “have you eaten today?”. What do we even get from such calls? How do they affect the price of crayfish in the market, or improve our lives at all? For a girl to be just my friend, it has to happen on its own, maybe because she’s my neighbour or classmate or colleague, etc. I won’t have to walk up to her, meet her, ask for her number and all that just to be her friend. Women need to understand that, at least for me, there are some things I wouldn’t do with someone I want to be just friends with, although there are things the female friend can do to change that, which I encourage and handle respectfully, contrary to the ‘public opinion’ of a woman’s advances being a turn-off. If a woman’s advances don’t change things between us, it’s because I’m not attracted to her, not because she made advances.

        I’ve been Prime Minister of the Friend Zone at some time in the past. Whenever I had some sweet text message to send to someone, I’d always end up sending it to a LIST of ‘someones’, and I was even feeling good about it then. *chuckles* ‘Okpo di ka m’! But then, I thought I was actually dating these girls, or at least developing romantic relationships with them. My point being, I don’t understand how a guy would approach a woman for just friendship, in his mind, even at the beginning.

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  3. To avoid the Friend Zone, don’t become her friend! More guys are becoming aware. Good thing. Imagine what women will start doing when most guys get this! Lol…

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  4. Lmaoa….nice one bro….ifesi I thtink the guys that do that are still inexperienced or afraid to make their emotions known to the girl. And again FEW relationsships are built on the foundation of friendship

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  5. I ll admit I am guilty of ds, but y won’t a guy mk his intentions known from d start. D most baffling thing wz wn d guy startd accusin me of playin wt his emotions(emotions ke) y won’t u state ur mission from d beginning?

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  6. Rinz ..nyc topic..d tin is i totali agri wif d dude hu sed friend zonin cud evolv 2 sth mor intimate..usin ur referenc 2 d sitcom ‘frinds’..if u had folowd d series u wud c dat lata ross startd datin racheal nd dy wer togeda 4 a long tym..although she had series of boyfrinds buh der was stil dat chemistry btw dem dat neither cud pul away from..so i tink frnd zonin could materialize 2 sth worthwhl in som cases..4 guy hu sed’women r wicked’ u shud know dat every wicked woman is d result of a wickd man somwher..jus sayn..

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    1. This particular ‘Anonymous’ (lol), when things like this happen in sitcoms, it’s usually to appeal to the emotions of the audience and keep their viewership. In real life, it rarely happens. When it does, it’s for her convenience, mostly because she eventually decides to settle for you after losing out on what (who) she originally wanted. Well, I don’t want a woman that wants me because other men don’t want her. That would foster insecurity, especially for me. It’s more fulfilling when a woman sees other men and still chooses you. Experience has shown me that working and waiting for a woman’s ‘settlement’ isn’t worth it. Go figure.

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  7. The dreaded friend zone…

    The creation of many womanizers… For the wrong reasons. LOL!

    Rinz, this was a nice article.

    Guys get put into the friendzone not ONLY because they hide their intentions from the girl (that is the LEAST deciding factor). Girls often go after guys with ambiguous intentions… A certain kind of ambiguous intention.

    The main reason a guy is in the friend zone is because:

    He is a BORING motherfucker.

    She looks at him and her heart rate is baseline. No flutterings in the belly. No quickening pulse when he draws her closer. No “accidental” brushing of his dick during conversation. No signs of positive or negative nervousness. No mystique around the guy.

    If I explain any further, my fingers will rust from overuse.

    But friend zone can be summarily defined in one sentence:

    “Whenever a girl is amused by your attempts to win her over”.

    Focus on “amused” and “win her over”.

    There are so many other HOT girls on earth… Including those ridiculously HOT ones that actually help you bang them.

    WHY MUST IT BE THIS PARTICULAR GIRL?!

    If a girl is wasting your time and not getting with the program, then in the words of Jay-Z:

    “ON TO THE NEXT ONE!”

    Ifeanyi Robert Chukwuka.

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    1. Ifeanyi Robert Chukwuka, I feel you, but we should be careful. I have discovered that WORDS have a way of misleading we humans from the real thing. Go figure. Most of what we suffer is as a result of words, because they somehow shield us from the very reality they are intended to convey to us.

      My point is, be careful with “ON TO THE NEXT ONE”. Don’t ‘run with it’, like they say. The problem with running with it, is that YOU DON’T GET THE GIRL, which is kinda the point of it all, don’t forget.

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  8. No b Tuface tlk am….”Ihe na-eme…..”. We hv 2 understand that d general make-up of a guy n a babe r principally different so clashes in intentions,motives n actions would alwyz b d order of d day. Boys gird up ur loins n stop playin d fool which we do most of d tym. Read d tone in a lady n pre-empt ur actions. Ladies, stop living in ur fairy-tale world. This is reality,wake-up; Alice hz long left d wonderland,I don’t know what u’re still doing there

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